This is going to make some people angry…

I have to write this post even though I know it’s going to make some people angry…

In fact I know that I will probably get a bunch of people riled up enough that they choose to never visit the likes of me or my blog again…

BUT I have to write it…

Why?

Because this one thing is causing people to live in misery and feel alone and defeated and I can’t stand it anymore…

That being said, it’s tough love time and this IS coming from a place of love…

Here we go…

Being a victim is only going to rob YOU of your life!

  • I know bad things have happened to you, in fact some horrible things may have happened to you and I am not asking you to ignore that.
  • I know people may not always be there for you or know what you need or consider you as they barrel through their lives…
  • We (understandably) hold onto these things to protect ourselves from getting hurt again…
  • Then we start to look for them even when they aren’t there…
  • We stop communicating and sit around looking for proof that we aren’t important to the people in our lives or that we’ll never get what we want because we are too old or fat or thin or young or alone or stretched for time or money or, or, or…

At some point, being a victim only hurts one person and that is you!

All of the hurt that has happened in your life is only hurting you more if it defines every moment forward…

All the pain and alone serves to keep you alone because you won’t risk connection and communication…

The cost is great…

The cost is everything…

If you are ready to create the life you desire…

A life without limits…

A life with abundance and prosperity and love and laughter and adventure…

Then eventually you are going to have to stop hoping someone or something will come fix your life for you…

You’ll have to stop resisting love and connection and risk…

You’ll have to stop waiting for anyone you are going to give your love to to PROVE that they love you just because you’re you…

You’ll have to see that blame isn’t helping you anymore and that holding onto the pain of the past is keeping you in the past and keeping you from your life…

You are going to have to wake up one day (and only you will know when that day is) and decide that what has happened is over and you can start again NOW…

I’m not saying that the pain doesn’t suck and I’m certainly not saying that it is ok for people to knowingly hurt you and cause you pain…

I am saying that pain happens and you can become more because of it and you can still love and have everything you desire once you stop looking for proof of how awful and painful and lacking your life is…

I say this for you because I care…

I say this knowing that you shouldn’t do this UNTIL you are ready…

I say this risking that it will cause you to think I am blaming you and telling you that everything bad that has happened to you doesn’t matter (even though that couldn’t be further from the truth.)

I say this because we ALL need to hear it…and that includes me…

This is the key…

Everything bad that has happened to you up until this moment — it’s time to get over it!

Do it for yourself and no one else…

Do it to clear yourself so you can begin to live again…

I am not blaming or pointing fingers…I believe in everything that you are and I want you to experience yourself in your full glory…

I say this from my heart…

Are you ready to let go of the past?  Leave me a comment and let me know!

Go Big!

Kristen


62 Responses to “This is going to make some people angry…”

  1. Naomi says:

    I was abused in one way or the other nearly all of my life…I DID own the choices I had made, but kept making them (two marriages and a 9 year relationship between) I needed to find out why I was making those choices, so I went on a LONG, painful journey to get to the root…bottom line is that from childhood, and things others had said and done, my subconscious mind was lied to and I didn’t think I was worth more than that…I now know that I AM…even though painful shards of the past sometimes still stab at my heart, I’m finally healthy and strong and able to make better choices…thanks for your feedback…this couldn’t be more TRUE…:-) Naomi

    • Kristen says:

      Wow Naomi, thank you for sharing this!

      I can’t tell you how impressed I am with you and your honesty…

      It really is your time!

  2. Mike says:

    I entirely agree with you, Kristen. That’s exactly what I’ve had to do. Sitting around steeped in self-pity is a negative attitude that must be purged at all costs, or you’ll never achieve success.
    Every good wish

  3. I’m not angry, I am happy you said that, I totally agree.

  4. tracy says:

    oh boy. well, you’re absolutely right. i’ve come to this conclusion recently after many years of misery because i WANT to be happy and that means dealing with all the bad stuff and moving on. it’s hard. still trying. but i won’t live the rest of my life thinking, “if only i had…” life’s too short for regrets, bitterness and anger, i’ve discovered.

    everything you say is true, kristen. i applaud you for having the courage to say it. so glad you are in my life kristen. 🙂

    • Kristen says:

      I am glad you are in mine too!

      Yes, sometimes it is hard BUT you are on the right track with the right intention and THAT matters!

  5. Jennifer says:

    I absolutely agree. No matter how difficult, we must let go of the past so it doesn\’t mess up the future.

  6. kay says:

    That sounds like wisdom to me Kristen — not critism. I occassionally find myself steeping in self-pity. These days, I recognize it for what it is and am able to end it quickly and change my thoughts toward appreciation, solutions, or goals instead. There is a comfort in self-pity, and blame etc, that is dangerous. I have seen it lead to suicide.
    You have a kind, generous spirit that probably shifts peoples thinking toward a happier experience which in turn saves their lives.

  7. Jackie says:

    Kristen,

    I read your blogs and so much of what you have written has touched my life. I was just talking to a friend of mine yesterday explaining how I feel like my life has blown up and become a puzzle that I am trying to put back together. I lost my job nine months ago and having trouble finding work. I also have difficulty with my twenty-four year old daughter, who is living with me and pregnant, giving her the remote control of my life and feeling like I have no control.

    What I was thinking about this morning before I read your blog was that I am playing out the same game I use to play out. Different screen plays, differnt events, even different characters, same basic underlined reaction though. Me playing the victim and handing the controls of my life to someone else.

    Thank you for your blog made me think. I am the only one who can change the movie of my life. I have had some extremely painful things happen in the past, does not mean it has to continue into my future.

    Jackie

  8. Abdul Wahab says:

    Hi kristen,
    Whatever you have written is actually drafted from depth of your heart.Your intentions are not to hurt any one\\\’s feeling as far as I am concern.What others feels about it ,let the more comments comes,it will be their opinion.
    In my case,my subconcious mind goes deep into past and negative thoughts since I occur
    huge losses in my engineering unit by keeping blind faith on some my past astrologers.They had programmed my mind for negativity,this only you can understand and those who have experienced such type of negativity and those who have burn their fingers.
    By the way ,since today onward and since this moment I shall apply your \\"Key\\"

    \\"EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME UNTILL THIS MOMENT-IT\\\’S TIME TO GET OVER IT\\"

    MANY BLESSINGS,

    Abdul Wahab

  9. Sugeng Hariadi says:

    Hi, Kristen. nice to read your post. Your thought is the brilliant one, not making people angry but following your practical idea instead. I think most people are trying to find a new solution for their problems, and as long as there is no new idea or new way of thinking, they keep on their past idea to give solution to their past and present life. We find some people still practising Old theory of meditation, finding enlightenment alone etc, even a lot of them feel satisfied getting the result of dreaming. Actually what we need is New Present Solution for a present living, so we can leave and say goodbye to the past painful life. Furthermore we can say there is no pain, lack and misery, and turn naturally into abundance, wealth, happiness and prosperity. But this is for real, you don’t have to say that you are happy, while your heart’s crying. The real answer is build your own wealth/happiness/profit making machine and persistently tap on it until you find satisfaction. By the way, I need your help, Kristen, give me your Now ideas solution for Now living, so I can enjoy in the Now Living and get over the past, lack and painful life. Thank’s so much for your Care.

    • Kristen says:

      Hi there!

      One of the best questions you can ask yourself to stay in the NOW is this:
      What do I choose to focus on NOW?

      Try it whenever you feel yourself drifting to the past!

  10. Rosemary says:

    I am glad you shared this because i just broke up a two year relationship in the middle of a serious health crisis and i have moments when i feel like a victim, but each day i get up i try to achieve small victories that restore my confidence in myself and in life.
    I felt like you were speaking to my heart there to keep on moving forward and being happy in every moment and that’s exactly what i intend to do. My Faith in God is stronger

    Thanks for sharing

  11. Leila says:

    I totally agree with the above comments and your blog, Kristen. I\\\’m not sure what it is exactly that sets me off these days, it happens less though. I think it\\\’s stepping more into now – being more present. When sometimes it feels too much I can flip into a kind of state where I blame things (that I don\\\’t even think are true anymore) on the past. As I\\\’m blaming away I hear myself a bit and hear how it can\\\’t possibly be all true! Some of it must be incorrect and if some of it is incorrect then why not ALL of it.

  12. Velda says:

    You are absolutely right. Before finding the Law of Attraction I use to dwell on things people did to me but not anymore. I am much happier now that I have been able to move away from my past because that is where it should stay.

    Oddly, I have been wanting to find a new job/career but something hit me today….I’ve been making excuses. I tell myself I don’t have this or that, etc. I told myself “just do you!” I know I will come into all I desire.

    Thanks Kristen!

  13. Peter says:

    Dwelling on past hurts is exactly as you say Kristen, helps no one, and hurts only you. Iti s excess baggage that if you had to check in when flying, I am betting would be dropped pretty quickly.

    Jackie, I love your description of handing the ‘remote control of my life’ over to someone else. After 20 years of having done exactly that, I have realised it is hurting me and those around me, and I have taken back the remote control.

  14. ken says:

    Thank you Kristen, way to go, I believe your readers will get the true meaning of your message and are mature enough to take the oppertunity to let go and to move on to bigger and better thoughts in thier lives. We have all had our share of kicks, doom and gloom, but were programed to forge ahead and its our choice to go positively or negativly. stop the blame game. Ill take the high road, thanks

  15. Rosemary says:

    Hey, Kristen:

    Looks like there’s another Rosemary in this blog. I’m the real estate broker from Sparks, NV. Not for many years have I ever blamed anyone else for what has happened to me, and forgiveness is easy for me. Easy, for everyone but myself. In fact, it is only in recent months that I have stopped blaming myself for everything that happens to me.

    So, now, I turn it around and realize that I have the power to turn everything around for myself. That I have not done so is only an appearance. There is a parallel Universe in which I can and do live the life I’ve always wanted, the life that should be with all the effort and integrity I have put into my work and relations with people.

    One day, I’ll figure out what I’ve been doing wrong. LOL.

    Thanks,
    Rosemary

  16. Anne Robertson says:

    I entirely agree with you Kristen, Being a victim all the time is a dead bore, no matter what has happened. Much better to give it up. Living well is the best expression of success anyway

  17. beverly says:

    thats true Kris,
    I too keeping carring such a load in my back that is pulling me not to move forward, but when i realized its not the falling that matters but the rising up for the next step.
    Thanks again Kris.

  18. mirette says:

    absolutly desperate to forget about it totaly but how??????

  19. David says:

    Thank you Kristen, not ready to share in open forum, quite yet, exactly why or how this particular blog is relevant, but thanks for your sentiments and direction. Responsibility is the greatest lesson. It’s mastery makes one “Response able” and is the hardest discipline. If you are only helping the few that have posted here then you are doing many times the average. Bless your Gung ho Americanisms!! “Keep it real” and “way to go”!!

  20. bart van hoeck says:

    Nobody likes the hear anything aslike it\’s your responsibility of what comes your way.
    Sometimes i still deny it cause sometimes the pain is to big so you will deny.
    i believe that the more you create fall guilt that even that will increase the limitations you pose upon yourself.
    So to break free is to break free from the old self & create a complete new image one which will make some angry there losing grip and seeing something happen they rather not see so they try what ever to manipulate any situation so the negative feelings start to rise again.

  21. It’s always rough hearing this but it is true. A lot of us do hold on to things in the past which serves no purpose in our present time or future. Kristen I appreciate your passion and willingness to share this knowledge to the world and wish you continued success in all of your endeavors.

    Michael Kincannon

  22. Kevin Jeeps says:

    I know that I have made some very poor decisions (with the benefit of hindsight) in my time and they have caused pain to me and those I love dearest. I also know that hanging on to those feelings can be beneficial in driving me forward to achieve what I have set out to do to put right some of those wrongs.
    I’ve also come to realise thatthe decisions of others that have had a very negative impact on my life have hurt deeply at the time, but have been aware enough to know that I MUST leave THOSE feelings behind, in order to maintain the progress that I have made since these events.
    No, I won’t be discarding you from my life, Kristen. YES, I will keep reading your emails. Thanks for sharing.
    Kevin

  23. surendrarao says:

    when glas falldown from our hand it become pieces,it cannot regain its original shape,once hand cut from the instrument we adjust artificial but original ??? like wise in life sumtime we lass,loose,giveup all thing happan its a true fact not imaginary ex:death of mother,husbend,wife,brother,sister,close friend… at that movement no word can satisfy but only thing is true fact is one day we also dissapear from this astral world we become one with five god that is fire,earth,air,water,sky

  24. Brigitte says:

    Thank you Kristen, the past is to stay behind and not be in the present.

  25. mleew53@yahoo.com says:

    Yes, communication is key. Just sitting here thinking about prosperity in wealth, health and love don’t get it done. Sharing ideas and action in those ideas can move you forward. Starting today is the best time. I’m starting by recognizing the valuable ideas that you have shared.

  26. Roberta says:

    Great post. I’ve have been told you are a survivor of X & Y, and I say no I am me. When something happens that does not feel good it is a lesson,not your idenity.
    I agree with you. I do however hold onto one piece of a bad thing that happened to me because it was the right person just happening to be driving home to dinner at the right time doing was was right to save my life. i was not a victim I was a very lucky person.

  27. David says:

    Hello Kristen, thanks for that. Spot on, I just need to get off my butt and find a way forward.

    Regards

    David.

  28. I agree with you Kristen. The only disability comes from self-disabling story telling. And worst of all one starts believing their own sad story instead of working on what is working for them. They continue to go with the negative flow of things. When the student is ready the teacher will appear. Kristen, you are the teacher.

  29. Lena Larsson says:

    Hi Kirsten. You are absolutely right for many people, maybe even me. But I dont thik its true about me anymore. I have such un appetite for life and I am so communicative so I just cant isolate myself too long. Have a good day. Ps Continue your good work Ds

  30. Susan says:

    In leaving behind the hurts I have chosen to separate myself from those that were hurtful. That doesn’t mean I hold a grudge or avoid forgiveness. It simply means that I choose not to include people that are abusive, mean or selfish. And that means family. By removing them from my life it’s allowed me to see those people and things in life that are supportive and nurturing. And by doing so more positive things have come into my life. Sort of the like attracts like idea 🙂

  31. Tammy says:

    Thanks for the honesty and clear picture Kristen. We have to own up to our choices and do so when we are ready, but we must choose a time to do it. When you get to that place at the bottom, it is then that you can choose to move forward and upward and experience the wonderfulness of life. I have been at that bottom and I no longer want to be there. It is from that darkness that we can truly see the light and live a life of our own choosing. It feels so good to make that choice and realize we are the designers of our destiny and that no one else holds any power over us and what we can be, have or do. Thanks again!

  32. PETER MODELY says:

    Yes, You seems to have put your finger on it,I did try to be stronger and happier,but at times especially the last 6 months,something in dragging down.I am catching my happy life back again,you’ve open a small channel and I am going to cruise through it,I’ll let you know ,how it,s going.Peter

  33. Jacquelyn says:

    Hi Kristin, well loved that email or post as it is so true, I can speak from experience as lately I appear to have so much emotional clearing going on that its been tough at times, I work as a clinical hypnotherpist myself and have worked so hard to build a clinet base this here, but hit burn out in July, but just by rrading your post I have realised that I have been living in the past for many weeks and I should know better!! Your post has made me realise, its the kick up the backside I needed, so no I don’t think this will anger anyone just make them think twice! :)) x

  34. Sirkku says:

    I´m happy to meet You Kristen! It was a great bad story, and I were looking at an exit tramp. It´s helping me to understand to read yours letters. Many tanks for you!

  35. Alan says:

    Kristen,
    I couldn’t have said it better myself. I have alot of “friends” that are going through life being the victim.My ex being ine of them. I tried to get them to see the point you have made but they sre not ready nor willing to change. So I don’t hang around them much anymore.Don’t need their attitude to influence my positivity. Keep up the Great Work!
    -Alan-

  36. alejandra says:

    I completly agree with you. I have recently discovered the voice of my EGO, which I didn´t know exactly what it was before, and that was dictating the way I felt. That voice that tells you: you are not good enough, you cannot do this or that…I have forbidden myself from listening to that little devil any more, and instead I listen to what the voice of freedom and peace tells me or I´d rather be in silence if a negative thought pops up. I watch this thought and turn it around into a question such as Why am I so good? The one that reassures me instead of the one that makes me feel panic and mistrust. I have decided to trust again inspite of the past experiences, partly because i trust on my own voice and disregard the voice of judgment that echoes in my mind. And partly because I turn it into positive by asking positive questions to me. After all, I know now that it is my own ego playing its distorting and deceiving games and not the reality of what went wrong before or the reality of who I am.

  37. tim says:

    thank you for this. Just last Saturday I made another/again one of those poor decisions that keeps me poor. No point in relating the details – suffice it to say that I beat myself up/blamed for about a day. On Sunday I marked my calendar (I’m starting over NOW) in 30, 60, and 90 days increments so I can see what improvement I make over the next 90 days. I so want to put my failures behind me and start living the blessings and successes.

  38. Thanks for your good thoughts,Kristen
    Here is another good thought: Stop and reflect on what you want your life to look like. What needs to happen for that goal to be realized?
    One of the greatest motivational speakers and self help gurus, Jim Rohn, once said “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. This is so true; so whom do you spend time with?
    Do the 5 people you spend the most time with hold you back or are they elevating you to a better place. Are they inspiring you to become a better and more successful person or do they drag you into competing, blaming, complaining and gossiping?
    If you feel you can handle all that negativity, think again, because no matter how smart and goal-oriented you are, if you are constantly surrounded by pessimistic, fear-based people you will eventually start descending into the grasps of their negativity.
    One author has this to say: “I am convinced that most humans are so addicted to struggle and human drama that we daily sabotage spirit’s efforts to help us make our lives simple.”
    Stop and do your affirmations, meditate, listen to your inner silent partner and all the wisdom that has been given to you – Remember your life is a gift, treasure it, honor it and enjoy it. Surround yourself with positive people and stop the blame game.

  39. Georgeann says:

    78 years young and still learning.It’s like they say today is the first day of the rest of my life. Yesterday ended last night.Why am I thinking that past thought?,it is done and over I cannot change it, is their a lesson to learn?, If not I just say cancel that and get in the here and now moment.You are GREAT love coming here also interesting to read the comments,when they are ready they will learn with your help! I can look back and see how I gave my power to others by letting them do the thinking for me, I thought I was keeping the peace by being passive and not let my real feelings out, till some one pointed this out to me. I am truly Blessed and have a wonderful caring family and very grateful for them. When it comes to change I am very stubborn, your vaccum is to heavy ,you will get hurt, etc well they got me a funky thing light weightit does a good job but it takes more time to clean it than I like to spend my time doing, it was free why should I complain so I gave it to God and accepted it, do the best I can with it turns out his wife got one and now he says they understand ,should of spent more and got something better.Now I fell off of my acient step stool it was not the stool, it was that I had slippers on, oh no your stool has to go,brought me another, that thing is to heavy for me and akward to open, my confidence is lacking? Yes I hate change! It is a wonderful time to be alive learn computer, cell phone, digital camera,answering machine carry around phones,VCR,CD”S,DVD.I wonder when the tape in my head will run out? If they ask me a question and I do not remember at the time ,I never say I do not remember, I say I do not have a fast forward, you will have to wait till it comes to me.LOL Life is a bowl of cherries you got too learn to spit the pits out,and begin again the best to all of you.

  40. Don says:

    Hi Kristen. I get the email today (9/7/10). Great message. No matter what has happened in life, it has happened for you not to you. We must adopt this to let go of the past and any notion that we “aren’t good enough” Thanks for being honest and open with your thoughts!

    Don

  41. Erlene says:

    Hi Kristen! I agree with you blog today. I want to change my life because I’m not happy with alot of things so the first thing I had to learn is how to look in side my self and see what damages are done! So every day I work on my self and my mind I learn what is good and what is bad! I’ve been feeling so much happier! I have achieved so many more gloes, and lost wait! Reading you website has helped so much! You have to be open and not offended to anything if you want to change your life because if you feel unhappy then the universe will give you that, or what ever you send out. Thanks Kristen so much! Your website is very help full.

  42. I agree totally, “bing a victim” is the ultimate excuse as being a victor is the ultimate virtue, no matter what. Well done, Kristen. NO anger here, just understanding. (I did not say “perfection”, just understanding.)

    Josh.

  43. Mark says:

    Kristen,
    Very very true. I know that what you said is what I am doing, but I have a lot on my plate and that I did to my self. When you are trying to get seven businesses prosporing,taking care of your 83 year old mother and helping your grown children it is really hard to change your mind thought. I truly am working on it and hope to overcome. What will it take, who knows! All I know it is important for me to keep moving forward.

  44. Rosemary says:

    I read the blog comments before the post, just to get an idea to what you were referring. I stopped blaming other people a long time ago, but only recently stopped blaming myself. Well, the only thing is I still blame myself, every time a bill collector calls and attempts to make me feel bad so that he(she) can get me to turn myself into a pretzel to pay that debt over the others that are so overwhelming.

    When, oh when, will I again feel the blessings of abundance? My real estate deals are slowly coming to fruition. It feels as though time is the enemy. I know that everything is NOW, but the bill collectors don’t get that. How I experience what they say is, of course, my choice, but it feels lousy. What good does it do them to make me feel bad, if I am the solution and the means for their employers to get paid? Indeed, I can turn that around: What good does it do me to feel bad, if I am the solution and the means to pay the bills and gain financial freedom?

    Rosemary

  45. Ian says:

    GREAT post, Kristen. Didn’t hurt a bit! Thanks, Ian

  46. helen says:

    Dear Kristen,

    Thank you very much Ms. Kristen for all the efforts; well appreciated.

  47. Tina says:

    Hi Kirsten!
    Thank you for the post. I agree with you. I’m going read ti again and do as you said.
    But there are times when pain is so strong it is almost inpossible to let it go. If my leg is broken, I can’t run. It has to be heald. If I’m hurt as a person I need to be heald. Sometimes forgivnes is needed, sometimes belive must be changed, …

  48. Andrew says:

    I agree also! Someone ticked me off last week and insulted me (she’s helping me get my art out with contests but she can be pretty mean sometimes). She said I was’nt normal for my age, needed my head checked, I don’t understand anything and other things over a matter that was already settled with someone else (it was a small misunderstanding). This make me feel MUCH better. And I feel that I can move on from this. Thanks Kristen ^_^

  49. Andrew says:

    Hi Kristen, thought I’d come back to tell you the good news. I went back and told her about the misunderstanding and why it happand and she understood and did’nt judge me anymore. I forgave her for last week and I feel SO MUCH better! As they say, forgivness is for ones self and helps one heal. Again Thanks Kristen. ^_^

  50. Paul says:

    By letting go of the past, we give ourselves permission/approval to receive the success in life we really want. My self, I need you to remind me to let go of the past and see my life as I did when in school. A life full of expectation of all the good things life has to offer. Bad things in life are sharp stones on barefeet, you are bound to find one once in a while. I am 65 and I enjoy your writings.

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