Your Experience Reflects What You Look For

Welcome back to the current issue of the Law of Attraction Key Newsletter!

Your experience reflects what you look for. This is a BOLD statement, and it is true in every situation. Now listen closely, because there is great power in this – because if you want your experience to change, you simply have to change what you are looking for.

There are 3 things you can do – starting today – to change your reality and, in this magazine issue, I am going to reveal what they are and how you can use them. This article is close to my heart – I wrote it because of an enlightening conversation I had with a friend – and I can’t wait to share it with you today.

I ask only that you read this with an open heart and mind – and then I ask you to be kind to yourself – be gentle with yourself – and be honest with yourself. That is the formula for true and bold transformation.

So many of you have been leaving comments and I want to say THANK YOU! I love to hear from you. Please take a minute to go to and leave me a comment (and make sure you come back to see my reply too). You are magnificent and I can’t wait to hear what you have to say!

Life Mastery Is Yours!


P.S. Let’s connect on Facebook: – I’ll see you there!


“You experience what you look for. Where one person insists there is abundance another may insist there is lack. Where one insists there is stress another may insist there is ease. Our experience is subjective – our experience comes from our expectation – our habit of focus – our stories. You can decide to change your expectation, focus and story at any time. That is your power – that is your birthright!”

— Kristen Howe

Your Experience Reflects

What You Look For

By Kristen Howe

I had a conversation with a friend the other day that I want to share with you. The whole conversation revolved around these 5 words…

It is all so stressful.

In the entire span of the 30 minute conversation, my friend must have repeated these 5 words to me at least 7 times (that’s more than once every 5 minutes.) The topics kept changing but those 5 words kept showing up, for example…

We talked about some of the people she works with who have some specific situations playing out at work and when I mentioned a few of the positive things about the situation, she said, “Yes, but, it is all so stressful for them.”

We talked about her daughter and kids and at one point she said, “It is all so stressful for her.”

She brought up the holidays that had just passed and I asked her how her sister in law was doing (her sister in law’s daughter is expecting a baby and her sister in law is really excited) and she said, “She is excited, but thinking about traveling to see the baby once it is born, well, it is all so stressful for her.”

She told me about her plans for the next week where she was going to connect with some of her good friends and get some renovations finished around her house and she said, “It is all so stressful for me.”

These are just a few of the examples – and the phrase of the hour still showed up more than I have relayed to you here.

Now, this is important – my friend is NOT one of those overly negative people. She is loving, laughs a lot and loves to enjoy herself. BUT in that 30 minute conversation, I discovered something important about her that I hadn’t realized before, she sees things through this filter of “It is all so stressful.” And because she does, everything is always coated with a layer of stress.  She looks for the stress first. She defends that this or that is stressful. She even defends that things are stressful for other people (as you saw in the examples I gave you).

Toward the end of the conversation, I finally decided to say something – so I said, “Well sure, we can find stress in anything, and the experience we have reflects what we look for.” She looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Easy for you to say, you don’t ever seem to have stress.” I smiled and said, “I have stress, but I choose to focus on the excitement of a situation instead.”

She said, “Oh, positive thinking huh?” I said, “Not really, let me give you an example.  If I described to you my life as an actress and as an entrepreneur, what do you think I would say?”

She thought about it and said, “That’s easy because I remember hearing you talk about both. When you do, you get excited, saying how amazing it is how you get to meet all of these incredible people and work on all of these different projects and as an entrepreneur how you get to decide where you are working and when and on what and how you get to touch the lives of so many and learn amazing things from them in the process.”

I said, “Exactly, that’s what you have heard me say. So, if someone asked you about my life, what would you tell them?”

She said, “I’d tell them that you have an amazing life filled with unique experiences, opportunities and people.”

I said, “Okay, now, let me ask you this, what if when I talked about being an actress and an entrepreneur, what I talked about was how you never know where your next job is coming from and you are constantly auditioning and competing and getting rejected and even when you do book a job you don’t know how long it will last? And what if I told you that as an entrepreneur, I don’t have benefits and I have to create opportunities where it seems like there aren’t any and if something breaks down in my systems, my whole business lies in the balance – how would you describe my life then?”

She started to laugh and she said, “I’d say that your life is all so stressful.”

I said, “Now, could you objectively say that both of these descriptions of my life are true?”

She said, “Yes, absolutely, BUT because I only hear you talk about how much you love the life you have created, I don’t even register the stressful part of your life.”

I said, “Me either – because I don’t focus on the stressful parts of what I do, that isn’t my experience.  Of course there are times where I feel stressed, but I don’t spend my whole time focused on how stressful of a life I have chosen for myself – if I did, to be honest, I wouldn’t be able to keep living it, that would be too scary.”

Now do you see what I mean when I say ““We can find stress in anything, and the experience we have reflects what we look for”?

She said, “Absolutely – and I also see that I can change my focus immediately in my own life AND I can change what I’m focused on with other people too. Just because they are focused on the stress of their life doesn’t mean I have to give that stress more energy by telling other people how stressful their situation is, that is only adding to the energy of stress that is surrounding them. I know I can’t change how they are looking at their life, I’m not willing to risk my relationships by trying to change the people I love, but I certainly can help the energy that is surrounding their situation by paying attention to the story I tell about them and their life.”

And now you see why this friend of mine is a friend that I respect SO deeply.  She gets things that fast and is willing to shift instantly when she does.

So, now that I’ve illustrated how the experience we have reflects what we look for – let’s look at how you can use this to instantly lower stress and raise the vibration of your life…


There are 3 Big Reasons Money Isn’t Flowing Effortlessly Into Your
Life – I Reveal Them
in This Video …


If you don’t like the experience you are having with life, there are 3 things you can do – starting right now – to change that…

         Pay attention to your expectations:

When you start something (could be starting your day, going to the gym, going to work, starting a new job, going to a party, starting a business, starting a new relationship etc.) pay attention to what you REALLY expect.

What you REALLY expect determines where you put your focus because, as human beings, we like to be right, so whatever it is you really expect, you will then shift your focus to look for proof that you are right.

Once you become aware of what you really expect, you can choose a different expectation. Write it down, decide what proof you would need to look for to reaffirm this new expectation and commit to bringing yourself back to your new expectation any time you feel yourself stray.

Pay attention to your focus:

As I just said, what you really expect determines what you focus on because we like to be right. So, without realizing it, you are focused on finding proof that your real expectation is true.

That means if your real expectation is struggle – you will look for proof of struggle. BUT if you shift your real expectation to ease, you will shift your focus to look for proof of ease.

At first, you will have to actively be aware of what you are looking for proof of.  You will have to commit to looking for proof of your new, positive expectation. And when you do, everything including your stories – will change.

Pay attention to your stories:

If real expectations determine what you focus on – then what you focus on determines your stories. Your story is what you tell yourself and other people about your current situation.

And here’s the real kicker – your stories have the power to reaffirm or change your real expectations. So, pay attention to the stories you are telling yourself and other people. And ask yourself how you can adjust your story to create a new, real and positive expectation.

Be kind to yourself – be gentle with yourself – be honest with yourself. When you are all 3, miraculous transformations can happen in the blink of an eye.

Quick Tip Look Who’s Talking…
If you are having trouble discovering what you really expect in different situations, try this…Say to yourself,  “I am so excited because this is happening in my life because I can see how amazing it can be – BUT…What comes after the BUT is what you really expect to happen.” 

Here are some common examples to help you see what I mean:I’m so excited about this new relationship because I can see how amazing this can be – BUT my relationships never work out once I find out what’s REALLY wrong with them.


I’m so excited to begin a new day because I can see how amazing it can be – BUT no one respects me at work and everything has been a struggle recently so I hope it won’t be the same.


I’m so excited about my new business because I can see how amazing it can be – BUT I always get excited at first and then jump to the next thing the second there are any challenges.

You get the idea – give it a try, you’ll be amazed at what comes up for you. Then, don’t judge yourself, decide what your new expectation and focus and story will be and stick with it. Eventually your habit of focus will shift to your new (positive expectation) and you will be so excited by the results!

“Absolutely brilliant. 

Thank you very much for sharing this video with me, Kristen.I have watched it 5 times already and shared it on Facebook.

Have a terrific day, as always.




29 Responses to “Your Experience Reflects What You Look For”

  1. DEBORAH K says:




    • Kristen says:

      Hi Deborah!

      How exciting to feel that BUZZING feeling of truth 🙂 Yes, I love that you are sharing this with everyone – I am on a mission to raise the vibration of the world and when you share my magazine you help me achieve that – and I SO appreciate it!

      I can’t wait to hear more from you!


  2. izzy says:

    Thank you for your pearls of wisdom serendipity, just what I needed to read.

    Here’s to us all seeing how fabulous we can be using the right words to lift us in the right direction.

  3. Tina Kadish says:

    This article really hit home with me because I definitely tell myself stories and always have focused on the negative in a situation and is very hard for me to refocus to the positive.

    I appreciate this article. Thank you for sharing.

  4. Thom says:

    WOW!! This really is timely for me. I’m back after my morning cardio and IT HONESTLY WORKS.
    I employed the 3 steps intentionally as relates to my 7 mile cardio-trek and by the time I was at home…I no longer FELT PHYSICALLY EXPENDED AND NEEDING REST!! FANTABULOUS!!!
    Now to apply this universally.

    Thank you Kristen,,,It is good to know you.

    Respectfully…thom brown

    • Kristen says:

      LOVE THIS Thom! You have just shown everyone here that you can apply this right away and feel a difference – THANK YOU! When you share like this it helps everyone 🙂

      You rock!

  5. Curt Manler says:

    Kristen, you are amazing. I have been listening to your webinars now for a considerable time and every time I do, I resonate with your enthusiasm and your outlook in life. I love your disposition to all situations and your sunny way of being. You are truly an inspiration. Keep it up Kristen, the Universe and all your spirit guides are with you and I am sure you are being rewarded accordingly.
    I love you and admire you to no end.


    • Kristen says:

      Wow Curt!

      Thank you!!!! I can’t even find words to express how much your positive comments mean AND how much it means that you took the time to tell me. I am enthusiastic because I love sharing with people like you!

      YOU are magnificent!

  6. Tony Coleman says:

    This encounter illustrates a change in mindset that I hopefully can pull off. All my life, I’ve
    focused on “survival” as a means of coping with situations. I think at my age now, it would be
    more prudent to listen to this advice and focus more on trust in Jesus/God to “be there” in my
    times of uncertainty. Thank you.

    • Kristen says:

      Hi Tony!

      You are very welcome. Instead of ‘trying it’ – pick 1 day – tell yourself it is just for 1 day – and for that day don’t try, do 🙂 That means for that day, any time you want to FIX something etc. you reaffirm your faith that you are safe and protected.

      I appreciate you Tony!

  7. Linda says:

    this is excellent and i can see the wisdom of it. i will be saving this information and sharing it with others. i will also be using it. 🙂

    thank you, Kristen.


    • Kristen says:

      Love it Linda! Thanks for being here and taking the time to comment AND thanks for passing this on to others – you are helping my “raise the vibration of the world” mission and I appreciate that!


  8. Peter Wood says:


    Thanks for that! That has just shifted my whole perspective. I’m trying to make a living online, but whatever I’ve tried hasn’t worked, so when I attempt something new I now realise that I’m EXPECTING it to fail!! No wonder I’m not getting anywhere!

    Not any more. Expect to see this man’s name up in lights any time now!

    God bless.


  9. Melissa Curran says:

    The word “but” is a very negative word if you think about it. Instead of saying I am so excited about my supercool job BUT, it’s better to say I am so excited about my supercool job AND. See the difference?

    I’m trying very hard to take the word BUT out of my daily vocabulary. Very good article – sometimes you need to have negativity pointed out to you before you really see it.

    Melissa =)
    Author of Find Your Paradigm: The Art of Living with Grace and Ease

  10. Nancy K says:

    This sounds very useful. I especially like the be kind, gentle and honest with yourself.

  11. Melanie says:

    OK.. this was awesome.. I can see how my focus and stories are always concerning the negative.. I want positive results but I focus on the opposite.. I want to be experiencing good things but I only dwell on the bad, increasing the power of the negative stuff. I accidentally tell myself that I want the negative stuff because I dwell on it and then I am ‘shocked’ when the negative comes true.. Proof that I can only get the nasty end of the stick.. A self-fulfilling prophecy with me already writing the ending to my experience.. Change my focus and I change my outcome.. I will be using this in my future for sure.. Thanks!!

  12. Mona says:


    Wow, thank you so much for sharing this article. It hit home and now I know why I never finish anything or keep changing my mind. I appreciate the guidelines: pay attention to focus, expectations and my stories…..I just had my Aha moment.

  13. Amy says:

    Thank you so much for posting this article. I have another similar example. A few weeks ago, I was talking with my mother about my current situation- as a person who recently went back to school to get re-trained and now I’m starting to look for a job. I told her about the discussion I have been having with several of my Internet friends on this website I joined. I told her what I told them- that I graduated from the university several years ago, and then spent four years doing a combination of working freelance jobs and looking for a full time job- until 2010, when I went back to school to get a teaching certificate. Then I told her what one of my friends said about this- he said- “No wonder you’re depressed. Sitting around the house all day and looking at your e-mails while you apply for jobs is no way to live a life.” When I explained this discussion to my mother, she said- “you know why he said that? You weren’t totally honest with him. You didn’t tell him about the six months you spent writing articles for the local newspaper, or the time you helped a law firm by doing copy editing for a Mesothelioma book.” She pointed out that- because I was currently down about where I was in life, I was bringing that sadness to my conversation with my friend- and I made my experiences of the last several years sound like nothing. I really hadn’t spent four years just sitting around the house reading my e-mails and applying for jobs, however, at the time of the conversation, I was feeling so bad about my life, that I only focused on my feelings, which minimized the positive aspects of those four years. What a realization!


    • Kristen says:

      AMAZING Amy – and thank you for being so honest – your story is going to help other people who read this and that’s incredible!

      Always love seeing your comments!


  14. Humberto Leal Rangel says:

    Mrs Kristen, I’ve been reading all your valuable contributions: from soul to soul, I pray blessings for you and I am very grateful to you. I translate into Spanish all your information. I would ask you to send me the five steps in Spanish or provide me how I can translate the text, I want to learn them, practice them and teach them to many people who need them.

    Again, blessings and greetings,

    Humberto Leal
    Bogota, Colombia

    PD. I translated this message from English to Spanish in Google

  15. Sharon says:

    Hello Kristen,
    I read your lovely article because a friend of mine posted it and always talks about you. Anyway, I wanted to say thank-you for writing such a perceptive article. I use to be much more positive and now I realize I have to get that back….no more excuses for me.

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