The Secret To Happiness: Core Values

Welcome back to the current issue of the Law of Attraction Key Newsletter!

We’ve been talking a lot about happiness here at the Law of Attraction Key and from what I’m hearing back from all of you, that is the right focus.

I have an exciting article from Anik Singal today, where he shares with you another secret to happiness – I am particularly excited about this magazine issue, because this key to happiness is often completely overlooked and yet, if you don’t pay attention to it, it can be the root of much unrest and self-sabotage.

Thank you in advance for leaving a comment after you read this article, I love being able to connect with you and hear your thoughts.

I also want to thank you for sharing the ‘Law of Attraction Key Online Magazine’ with your friends and family – I am grateful to be a part of your journey!

Life Mastery Is Yours!

Kristen

P.S. Let’s connect on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/GoBigCoach – I’ll see you there!

 

“The imprint you are here to make on the world is as specific to you as your fingerprint. There is no other you. Value that, honor it and celebrate it, for you are a unique expression of the Universe.”

— Kristen Howe

 

The Secret To Happiness: Core Values

By Anik Singal

Many people go through life in a walking daze. Waking up is a struggle because they feel like their days are spent doing menial work for people they don’t care about. Because they think everything is scarce, they desperately cling onto whatever they can get.

Before they know it, YEARS have gone by. As they look in the mirror at their aging body, they ask themselves “Where did all that time go?”

It saddens me that most people never get to experience how amazing life is when you wake up every day with purpose and passion. Life just feels so… easy.

Sure, there are challenges. Bad things happen. Sometimes you feel negative emotions. Nevertheless, even in the darkest moments, you have an underlying feeling of fulfillment.

This is the ideal. Life is not about accumulating the most stuff or impressing the most people. It’s about living in alignment with whatever is meaningful to you.

This comes from recognizing that there truly is abundance in the Universe and understanding who you are and what matters to you.

So… what are the things that are meaningful to you? The answer is found in examining your core values.

Core values are one of those things like Law of Attraction that many people hear and roll their eyes at. That’s because – like Law of Attraction – it has all kinds of weird connotations.

This is a shame, because core values are actually one of the most practical things in the self-help world today.

Core values are simply beliefs that are meaningful to you.

They aren’t necessarily tied to any particular political or religious beliefs, although if you are religious that might influence your core values.

Everybody has a different set of core values. Your set of values make up a big part of who you are. If you do not know what your core values are, then you literally do not understand yourself.

This means if you live your life out of alignment with your core values, you will never, EVER feel fulfilled – except maybe in those fleeting moments when other people give you approval.

Most people do NOT live in alignment with their core values. Actually, most people have NO CLUE what their core values are in the first place!

What happens to these people? Well, their family and society tells them what they should value, and they live their lives in alignment with what others believe. Of course, in many cases these values are not the same as what the person’s real core values are.

All of this means that if you want to be happy and fulfilled – and who doesn’t? – it is important to discover what your core values are and better align your actions with them.

Obviously, this is easier said than done. How do you go about discovering your core values?

Well, there is no quick “method” for doing this. You can’t just do a quick 5 minute exercise that gives you a complete list of your core values now and forever.

Instead, you need to be a detective. Like any good detective, this means you need to look out for “clues” and persist until you discover the truth.

Keep on reading to discover your core values …

 

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Your core values are exposed during two specific moments in your life:

1. Peak experiences 

2. Low points

In other words, your core values are revealed during both the best AND worst moments of your life.

If you finish a project at work and feel awesome, that tells you something about what you value. Likewise, if you lie to your boyfriend and feel terrible about it, that also tells you something about what you value.

Another place to find clues about your core values is with the people you admire.

We tend to project ourselves onto other people. If there is a certain person you know – or even a celebrity you don’t know – who you deeply respect, it’s probably because they are embodying one or more of your core values.

Likewise, if you deeply dislike somebody, that’s a clue that they are embodying the antithesis of one or more of your core values.

If you understand this, you will discover your core values over time as you amass reference experiences. So even if  you’re frustrated that you can’t just do a quick 5 minute exercise and fully understand yourself, hopefully the ongoing nature of this takes the pressure off!

Plus, being a detective is fun.

Of course, you need to actually USE what you learn about yourself.

Just knowing your core values is not enough. You need to make changes in your life so that you are more aligned with them.

Over time, as you do some detective work and uncover more and more clues that point you to certain values, constantly ask yourself some “why” questions with your  core values in mind.

1. Why do I make the money I make?

Would you be happy making $50,000/year? $100,000/year? $500,000/year? It depends on your core values, doesn’t it?

2. Why do I work at this job?

Are you dissatisfied with what you’re doing for a living? Could that be linked to your core values somehow?

3. Why do I spend time with the people I spend time with?

Are you surrounded by people who share your values? If not, perhaps you need to network with some new people.

Too many people unconsciously pile on more stuff without ever stepping back and considering the foundation. Then, one day, they realize their mistake … but because they have so many responsibilities and obligations, they are trapped.

Constantly reflecting on your core values and asking questions like these prevents you from getting trapped.

If you are confident about your core values, you will approach new goals with passion and vigor.

You will become happier AND more effective.

That’s a good combination in my opinion! It’s ultimately why I believe core values are some of the most important things you can investigate in your life.

 

Quick Tip Look Who’s Talking…
Have you ever felt that you get SO close to the things you want, and then something happens and you self-sabotage it? Well, pay attention, because often that self-sabotage is because, deep down, you are scared that will have to sacrifice one of your values to achieve a specific success.

Here’s the great news…

It doesn’t have to be that way – of you discover what you are scared will happen if you achieve a certain success, then you can come up with the true vision of what you want that success to look like – meaning you have the success AND keep your values in place.

For example:

Let’s say you have always wanted to have a successful business that allows you to travel all over the world and get paid extremely well to do so.  And let’s also say that one of your core values is to be able to spend quality time with your partner/kids/family and friends. It is very possible that when opportunities arise to bring you that dream business that pays you to travel, you might sabotage it for fear that your relationships will suffer. There is no such thing as either/or – so, once you realize what it is that you are scared of losing, you can design the ultimate vision of how you can have the amazing business opportunity AND the incredible relationships. Once you include both in your vision, you instantly remove that level of resistance.

 

 

 

“*Thank You so much for this, Kristen.*

Today, THESE WORDS touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

I have been following you and “Manifest Everything Now” since last September 2012. […]

I have been struggling with self worth, self confidence and so much fear. I lost my mom 3 years ago. As an only child, I knew I would have to make some adjustments. Listening to M.E.N., I realized that I had been living almost all my whole life in FEAR. That fear affected my Dreams, my Health and strangled my Wealth.

It has been a journey, but I have been able to clear a lot of “stuff” out by listening to M.E.N. […] I have a way to go but I am on my way and will not give up until I reach my goals.

I am so grateful for you! You were there when I came to that place in my life where I needed what you were offering. Please, continue to keep these options available because so many people need this kind of help. Now, I see that several others have started their Speaker programs,…..

*But, Kristen, you will always be my FIRST!*

Love and Blessings to You.

Mary.”

 



 

 


14 Responses to “The Secret To Happiness: Core Values”

  1. Jennifer says:

    Finally, an article that has managed to make sense of self-sabotage!! (I’ve been looking for the reasons why for some time).

    Have, however, found my own way toward happiness in the interim of experiencing/having what I want; and that is: I’ve found that I can be happy just because ‘I can’.. because I can manifest what I desire. And, even if I don’t feel ready to experience it now, I can be happy knowing that when I am ready, it will all come into place 🙂

    Thanks for the great read 🙂

  2. Val@holistic mindbody healing says:

    That’s a good point- that self sabotage could be about fearing the sacrifice of a core value and to design your goals with the value in mind.

  3. Wilfred says:

    The other way to say that most people drive their life with the “breaks ON” & worry why don’t succeed.

  4. John says:

    What can you do to resolve a conflict of core values, when there is nothing you can do to combine them, or at least it seems there is nothing you can do (trapped). For instance, I want to travel, maybe relocate, but I am the sole caregiver for a loved one that can not travel or relocate. I am not financially, or emotionally able to change the caregiving at this time. Being of the senior set, I feel time is “slipping away”, but at the same time, I enjoy a satisfaction of caring for someone I love. I am not unhappy, nor am I depressed over this conflict, but it does create a feeling of less than wellbeing for me at this time. Any words of wisdom for me? 🙂 Thanks!

    John

    • Kristen says:

      Hi John!

      Thanks for reaching out – let’s just focus on the travel, perhaps for now you can aim for smaller trips (3-4 days) and have someone come in (friend or family or service) to help with the caregiving for those days. I’m not saying this is the perfect solution, but the question to ask yourself is this…

      “How can I continue to be the primary caregiver and still do some traveling at the same time?” If you bring the scope of travel to a smaller scale, you may find that your more willing to see possibilities. And, don’t judge something as possible or not possible right away, instead decide to come up with at least 5 possible solutions (even if they sound crazy and even if you might narrow them out later) this opens up your awareness of other solutions that you may not have seen before. I use this in my Ready, Aim Success Program, and have received so much great feedback that I am excited for you to try it.

      I appreciate you!
      Kristen

  5. Amy says:

    This is very helpful reminder to be an expert at me! I am very focused on others and what they need, I forget to dig into my core. One thing that I feel is a challenge is when you are committed to another person/s, your core values shift. It can become difficult to discern the difference between your core values and the other person. If you love harmony (as I do), that can self sabotage. I want things, but then worry that they will cause conflict or project into the future strife. I then counteract my wish. It is difficult to know how to resolve that when it is not just one person you must consider when setting intentions.

    • Kristen says:

      Hi there!

      This is such a great point and I want to remind you that Harmony means harmony for BOTH people – often people think Harmony is when the other person is happy so there is no conflict, but if you aren’t also fulfilled then that isn’t Harmony it is simply you avoiding conflict. You deserve to be and value YOU!

      K

  6. Jennifer says:

    Dear Kristen, How powerful.. thank you for sharing this.. in 2010 I’ve been so priviledged to study Life Coaching with The Coaching Institute in Melbourne (with Sharon Pearson) since then returned to my homeland and daily study in the Coaching Business. Value congruency is the most important little measurement for each of the focus points for us and it is not a tick form excersise, the most important detective work we all can do! Thank you again!

  7. Gerard says:

    People are looking outside trying to get. happier. But happiness does n’t comes from the outside. It is deeply hiding in our subconscient. There it is. Not in the outside. If you really want to be happy, live your life in the ” to be ” and not in the ” to have “. To have always more and more is not the way. ” I AM ” is the good one. Thanks for reading. I love you all.

    PS : That doesn’t mean having nothing, but only keep free of what we have. So,by thinking like that ,you can not loose anything. ” I AM ” .

    • Kristen says:

      Yes, happiness first comes from the inside – and what we desire in our deepest being is to be happy – so start from within and the external manifestations that come become a bonus 🙂

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