Negative Relationships – 3 Steps to Reverse the Negative Energy

Welcome back to the current issue of the Law of Attraction Key Newsletter!

Negative relationships…

Do I have your attention now? I have been receiving so many emails about how to handle negative relationships that I knew I had to talk about it this week.

Make sure you have a 3×5 notecard handy for the Quick Tip section of this issue, the power statement I give you needs to be something you see as often as you can.

Thank you, in advance, for your comments – when you let me know what is going on with you here and on Facebook, I am able to specifically address the things that are important to you.

I also want to thank you for sharing the ‘Law of Attraction Key Online Magazine’ with your friends and family – I am so grateful to be a part of your journey!

Life Mastery Is Yours!


P.S. Let’s connect on Facebook: – I’ll see you there!


“Where there is negativity, there is positivity –
it is your choice where you place your focus
and attention, it is your choice what part
you play in the cycle of energy.”

— Kristen Howe


Negative Relationships – 3 Steps to

Reverse the Negative Energy

By Kristen Howe

Relationships are a part of life and they can be enriching and so positive or they can pull at you and surround you in negativity. And many relationships are a combination of the 2 (positive 1 minute and negative the next) and that can be even more confusing.

You know you can’t control other people and you don’t want to abandon your negative family and friends. Running into negativity in strangers, co-workers, bosses, friends, family, and (yes) even yourself is inevitable, it is part of being here and being alive.

So, what do you do? How do you stay injected in life without negative energy sucking your energy and self-confidence dry?

You CAN do this – and I’m going to help – right now.

Before I give you the 3 steps to reverse the negative energy, there is an important element that I want to start with…

We see and are around negativity all the time that DOESN’T affect us.

Think about it – does every single negative thing that happens around you affect you and pull your energy down? No, of course not, if it did, you wouldn’t be able to function.

Likewise, we see and are around positivity all that time that DOESN’T affect us.

So, why does certain negativity get to us?

The answer lies here – when we attach the meaning of the source or the purpose of the energy to be directly related to us, then it becomes personal (to us). The second we define it as personal we have a completely different sensitivity to the negativity, because we feel we have something at stake.

Now, it is easy to define something as personal when someone else targets you with their negativity. But have you ever been in a car with someone who gets cut off and instantly takes it personally as if the person who cut them off specifically targeted them?

We do this all the time – we translate the energy around us and something that will greatly assist you in releasing negative energy is to realize that how you are translating the energy may not be the intention of the energy in the first place. Accepting that gives you some distance and opens you up to other possible translations.

I want to go back to the ‘we have something at stake’ idea – because truly, that is when we put up our guard, that is when we feel the need to defend. So, when you feel yourself having the instinct to defend or guard or explain or prove, take a step back, disengage from the negative energy – and when I say disengage from it, I simply mean, don’t allow yourself to REACT until you ask yourself this question…

“What do I feel I have at stake here?”

Whatever it is you feel you have to defend, guard, explain or prove will give you the answer.

So, let’s say someone comes at you – angry – saying you made a mistake on something that you know you didn’t make a mistake on. Your instinct is going to be to react and to instantly start defending your case. The second you do that, you engage the negative energy and when negative energy is engaged, it grows. BUT what if you chose not to react and not to engage until you asked yourself. “What do I feel I have at stake here?” When you take a second to disengage the negative energy – it instantly dissipates – you give yourself a second to choose your response and to choose to respond (not react) and then you can use the 3 negative energy reversing steps I am going to give you now.

Keep on reading for the 3 negativity reversing steps…


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When I say ‘reverse the negativity in your relationships’ that doesn’t mean you are suddenly going to do 3 things and make the negative person positive. It DOES mean that you will have 3 things you can do to shift YOUR reaction energy from negative to positive. Your reality is your reality – if you shift your energy and your reaction energy – you shift your reality.

And remember – you truly can’t control someone else. You can only control what part you play in the cycle of energy – so, from now on, ask yourself if you want to be part of the negative cycle or the positive one? You are that powerful, you can decide.

With that in mind, let’s get into the 3 Steps to Reverse Negative Energy


The 3 Steps to Reverse Negative Energy Are: 


Step 1: It has nothing to do with you.

How someone else is acting has nothing to do with you, even if it is directed at you. We all have our own dramas that we will play out with whoever is willing to play the other roles.

Every time someone directs negative energy at you, if you can remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you, it will shift your entire perspective and allow you to remove your stakes in the situation which will allow you how to respond differently and without a need to defend because it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

When you are met with negative energy, make your new mantra, “It has nothing to do with me.” And you will be amazed at how quickly your energy shifts from negative to positive.


Step 2: Healing is in the opposite

When we feel discordant with someone and their energy, it is easy to get sucked into that feeling and start noticing anything and everything that gives us proof of how negative they are.

But the healing of the energy is in the opposite. Every single person has positive within them. I know it is true, because for the negative to exist, the positive must also be there.

So, your new approach is this…

When you feel discordant with someone and their energy, instantly start paying attention and looking for PROOF of their positive. Focus ONLY on this and your energy will shift from negative to positive quickly.


Step 3: Send love

Negative energy relationships (ongoing or fleeting interactions) need to shift for the good of all involved.

Fighting each other doesn’t work – and you can’t change another person and you can’t sit around waiting for them to change the energy of your relationship.

What you can do is send as much love toward the other person as possible, it may be hard at first, but when you do, they will feel less resistance from you. Negative energy feeds off of resistance. Remove the resistance and you raise the energy vibration.

Sending love doesn’t mean you are letting it be ok that someone treats you poorly, it does mean that you separate you from it and remind yourself that how they are treating you has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with them and their pain and their scars and their struggles – and that pain, those scars and those struggles deserve love. Sometimes that adjustment in awareness can really help things resolve.

One of my favorite things to remind myself of is this – “I don’t have to like someone’s behavior, I don’t have to choose to be a part of it and interact with it, but I can see it for what it is, I can see where it is really coming from, and when I do that, I can send love.”

We all have behaviors that are covering our pain, scars and struggles – and we ALL deserve love.

And here’s the kicker – typically our negative behavior forms because we are protecting ourselves from something and often, what we create with our fear based behavior is the very thing we were protecting ourselves from in the first place.

For example: Jane feels unlovable – and her greatest fear is feeling disconnected from the people she loves because to her that means she really is unlovable. So, to protect herself, she pushes the people she loves and puts tons of pressure on them to connect – because of that pressure, the people she loves back off. She feels that distance and panics because her greatest fear is that she is unlovable. And then the cycle begins again.

Does all of this mean that you just take it and allow yourself to be a punching bag? No – because being a punching bag or not saying anything and leaving things unresolved only adds to the negative energy. What this does mean is that you can inform your response with love and with a certain amount of distance so that you don’t take it personally AND you can learn to look for the opposite energy in everyone and every situation – when you do, energy will shift within you and around you.

And remember 1 final thing – you are magnificent and you don’t need to prove that to anyone because it is the truth. I believe in you and I send you love!


Quick Tip Look Who’s Talking…
Get a 3×5 index card and write this…

“I decide what part of the energy cycle I am – and I choose to be part of the positive flow. That is my choice and I inform every interaction with myself and others with this powerful awareness.”

Put the 3×5 card where you can see it during the day – put another one in your wallet – and another by your bed…

You get the idea – the key is to remind yourself that you choose – you are that powerful!



“Hi Kristen,

Your e-mails truly mean so much to mean so much to me. It is nice to start my day with a connection to you. I am thankful getting any and all of your messages.

You truly are a blessing to me and I am sure so many across this earth and beyond.

May you and yours be blessed with all you may be in need of.

Love & light,






25 Responses to “Negative Relationships – 3 Steps to Reverse the Negative Energy”

  1. Gai says:

    Ah….what a wonderful article. Truly inspirational and soul soothing. In the most difficult times of my life, reading this gives me some clarity and calming down my restless me.


  2. Claudine says:

    Hello Kristen,

    Thank you so much for your many advice. They have helped me to realize what my downfall at times are. You are right it is not easy to start but when tried I tend to feel lighter in my spirit.

    Right now the battle is to keep working at keeping the advice and positive thoughts in my head.

    Thank you

  3. Jake Smith says:

    Hi Kristen,

    How powerful and enriching! I LOVE it! I am writing a book on life and relationships – (Out on parole…), may I quote some of this?

    Have a fantastic day!

    Jake Smith

  4. Thank you for the fuller explanation of your advice concerning my financial partner. Just running around with a 3×5 card that says “It has nothing to do with me” has helped enormously. I know what’s at stake here: The financial future of my building, so I must respond, but my responses are guided by the positive energy of my love for the building, the tenants in it, my employees (okay so there are only 2, but I love them anyway), my future tenants, our lender and even my financial partner. So now I have 3 3×5 cards: 1 is the original card that it has nothing to do with me; 2 expanding on the 3 steps in your article and 3 what you suggest I say to myself every day on this subject.

    Next I have to figure out how to get the money that does not seem to be there to pay property taxes and return the security deposits of those two tenants who just left. I’d rather focus on finding new tenants to replace them, who willl enjoy the benefits our building offers. 🙂

  5. June McArthur says:

    Hi Kristen,
    I really, really appreciate your recent email on how to reverse negative energy in you and around you. I have been dealing with negative energy around me from 2 different people in the home where I am living. It has been so hard to deal with that bad health has become a part of my life. Everyday I mentally punish myself because I am still here. The circumstances that got me here were very negative (loss of work and foreclosure). I have tried diligently to pull out of this negative situation, but nothing works. I have studied your work, along with The program Deliberate Creation by Dr. Anthony and have been studying the stock market for several months. I don’t seem to profit .I refuse to give up believing that my life , at any moment, will turn in the opposite direction and once again peace and love will surround me and from me. I have experienced joy in my life so I do know the difference. Your email inforced the wisdom behind the truth that we have a choice to decide to defend ourselves toward others negative actions. I have learned without a shadow of a doubt that defending takes far too much energy and will wear your body out. There is great truth in realizing that “It Has Nothing To Do With You” Also, you said that the negative energy will grow. How true. I found myself talking about these people to others that I knew would gossip with me for the first time in my life I participated in gossip (I’m 64 yrs. old) I believe you have helped me today so I took the time to tell you how and why. Thank you again and again. Love to You, June

  6. ThankGod says:

    Nice one here…I really appreciate you so much for this update….

  7. Sue says:

    Hello Kristen,

    I like your approach here. The interpretation of the negative thinking inflicted can be redirected so as to not cause pain to the receiver of that negativity. Quite
    brilliant and worthy of being considered.

    I wish I had learned of this sooner, it can be a great tool since I have a tendency to harbor
    negative feelings that have been thrown at me at any given point in time. This is definitely a healthy approach to a unfavorable situation.

    Thank you so much for this advice.

  8. Watsons says:

    Hi Kristen, This article i feel like it was posted to suit my situation, it has really inspired and changed me. Thankyou.

  9. sanjay rakecha says:

    Great article… Its help me to deal with negativity. Thanks Kristen

  10. Don Karp says:

    Hi Kirsten–
    Thanks so much for this very important conversation. I agree with all you said but would add a few details:
    1. Its important for me to know that I am ok–a good person, and that way I am able to see the negativity as not connected to me. I stay in my power. This might require regular affirmations.
    2. An effective way to respond to negativity that works for me is to shift the negative energy from the emotional to the rational: “I hear that you are angry, can we talk about it?”.
    3. I use a weekly support group so that I can pocket my emotions from the negative experience and process them later in a safe place.
    Thanks again and I hope you can use the above to enter the mix.

  11. Funmi says:

    Wow! Kristen! This is a great one as usual. Thanks for letting me know the power embedded in me! Who I really am! Hugs for you! Cheers

  12. Anu says:

    Wonderful article! Thank you so very much! It was a good reminder for me at the right time.
    Thank you once again!

  13. Wesley Smith says:

    Wow. I love and appreciate this loving article. I have felt this internal feeling for years that I could control this negative energy around me and for the most part I always did but, I recently dated someone I LOVE and the energy she held was exactly as you described it. She and I got along on so many levels yet, every time we got closer she demanded more which caused conflict. I could not find a place to force in a loving resolution but then it clicked. You don’t force love you declare it, share it, and collect it. I was so convinced that I could rationalize out the negative I misread how I was in turn feeding it. She has been battling an energy that has nothing to do with and I knew that but never reacted like that. So I have nothing at stake. It’s just a love to share and make. These 3 responses you’ve written are a life saver and I Thank you for for these arrangements of Love. Please continue with this gift. Lovingly. . . Wes.

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