What’s the payoff?

This post will push a few buttons, but it is unbelievably important…

I’m just going to jump right in…

If you are struggling with something consistently over a decent period of time (3 months or more…) then I want to ask you 1 question…

What’s the payoff?

I know you hate whatever it is you are struggling with and you want nothing more than for it to stop and be a thing of the past…

But I’ll ask you 1 more time…

What’s the payoff?

If I’ve hit a nerve here and you want to jump through the computer and tell me I’m crazy…stick with me while I explain…

Let me do this by giving an example…

A friend of mine had been in theatre for years…

He was very successful and went from one tour to the next…

He never stopped working…but the one thing that kept eluding him was a Broadway Show…

He was more than talented enough…

He worked harder than most people in the business…

But it just kept not happening and it was driving him crazy!

One night we were sitting and talking and he was telling me how frustrated he was, how he was having trouble watching people who weren’t as talented and who didn’t work as hard get Broadway Shows while he didn’t.

I looked him dead in the eye and said, “What’s the payoff?”

He said, “What do  you mean?”

I said — “What are you getting 0n a subconscious level by NOT getting your Broadway Show?”

For a second I thought he was going to leave the table…so I continued…

“I’m not being mean…but seriously, you’ve already told me you are more than qualified and you work all the time in big productions…so what are you getting from it?”

He sat and glared at me for more than a minute…

And then his face changed — his eyes flashed and he got a weird smile on his face and then he said, “Wow…I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re right. Every time I complain about all the people who aren’t as good as me who are getting rewarded with what I deserve, I feel a weird sense of being better than them…like I work so much harder than them and deserve it more than them…so in my subconscious, by not getting what I want I’m somehow giving myself the message that I’m better than everyone else…”

I said, “Wow, that was honest…”

He said, “Yeah, but as I’m verbalizing it, I’m realizing that I don’t care about being better than everyone else, I just want my Broadway Show!”

Here’s what happened after that…

He consciously stopped judging people who were getting what he wanted…

In fact, whenever he wanted to complain about them, instead he said 3 words…

“That’s for me!”

It didn’t happen overnight…

It took a year of him sticking to his guns…

But he finally got his Broadway Show (and has been on Broadway ever since)…

So…

I’m going to ask you 1 more time…

Whatever it is you are struggling with…

“What’s the payoff?”

Be honest with yourself…

Leave me a comment and let me know!

Go Big!

Kristen


63 Responses to “What’s the payoff?”

  1. Mike says:

    I first heard this exact same thing when I was doing est more than 20 years ago. I need to hear it every day.
    Thanks!

  2. anne says:

    Invictus

    Out of the night that covers me,
    Black as the pit from pole to pole,
    I thank whatever gods may be
    For my unconquerable soul.

    In the fell clutch of circumstance
    I have not winced nor cried aloud.
    Under the bludgeonings of fate
    My head is bloody, but unbowed.

    Beyond this place of wrath and tears
    Dooms but the Horror of the shade,
    And yet the menace of the years
    Finds and shall find me unafraid.

    It matters not how strait the gate,
    How charged with punishments the scroll,
    I am the master of my fate:
    I am the captain of my soul.

  3. JOSE BORDOY says:

    YOU ARE RIGHT. I HAVE DONE THE MOST STUPID THINGS IN MY LIFE,AND STILL I KEPT THINKING I WAS A WONDERFUL PERSON WHILE ENJOYING THE THOUGHT THAT I WAS DOING ALL RIGHT BY NOT GETTING WHAT I REALLY DESERVE. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME TO LOTS OF PEOPLE I KNOW.

  4. Jeff says:

    Very introspective… something I need to absorb and reflect on over the next couple of days… Will update afterwards…

  5. Archie says:

    Thanks Kristen. That’s a real challenge!

  6. Rosie Tan says:

    I have big dreams & plans for my future, until I suffered a stroke a year ago. Now I am trying to rebuild my self confidence & most importantly to rehabilitate to regain the motor functions of mt limbs. Thanks for your reminder.

  7. steven says:

    i know what you mean and i would love to say something clever but the truth is i dont even know what im held back from ,thats the scary part

  8. Ali Yousef Al-Sharif says:

    How do I begin…I am modest rational person who had crawled and crept through life but never bitten hands I licked..always have audacity to speak my mind and that that is my draw backs in life apparently..I love nature, people of all walks of life..I do my crying alone and wonder at times would life be better in our complex societies… what I earn is not sufficient but never panicked against the odds.

  9. Ranka Kulic says:

    I think as people have much reason to avoid their jobs, but would like to get as much as more salary. So we have different difficulties in life. But my mind work in that manner that I can say that for my salary is not important if my problem solver results go down. At university and at all other work places my filling has that characteristic and color. But now I can see something wrong with that methodology and I would like only to work for everybody and to earn.

  10. Linda Bradley says:

    Hi Kristen,

    I say to you that the pay off for me will be the imperishable crown…Everyday that God allows me to live I want to do whatever works that he would have for me to do within each day. Even if this means that I am to sit and listen to someone. I am waiting for God to connect me with the man that He has chosen for me because a portion of my life will not be complete until that piece of the puzzle has been placed. Whatever gifts I have ties in with the man God has chosen for me. This will be a huge part of the pay off. You know Kristen, its not going to be about what he has or what he can do for me; It’s going to be about him…knowing him, growing with him, and etc…..

  11. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Steve L. Vernon, QUANTUM ATTRACTION. QUANTUM ATTRACTION said: Comment on What’s the payoff? by Linda Bradley: Hi Kristen, I say to you that the pay off for me will be the i… http://bit.ly/f2FifT […]

  12. Bill Jeffrey says:

    Kristin, this was very helpful. I aim to always have all my stuff “on the table” — open to examination and questioning. Your “What’s the payoff?” is a great new tool for me.

  13. Rosemary says:

    I keep asking myself when I will make enough money to get myself out of debt and in the flow. Last month, I closed 3 escrows, but, sure enough, after I paid my bills and enjoyed just a little personal breathing room, I’m back in the same position: Daily collection calls, not enough, not enough, not enough. It brought me up short. This has been happening throughout my entire life. Perhaps there’s something else working here, even my “numerology chart” shows that I am prone to use money foolishly. Okay, numerology is probably a big joke, but I’ve been told since childhood that I am just like my grandmother who made good money for a piece worker at a clothing manufacturer but could never keep it. She spent it, until my then 14-year old mother was given charge of her money and was able to put the money to good use and get the family to a firm financial footing.

    To this day, all I want to do is pay my bills so I can spend again. Some of the spending is for my business, of course, and none of it can really be called “squandering,” but I just can’t see the future. I can’t see living frugally, as that would be like living in debtor’s prison.

    The payoff? Excuses for not marketing properly. Excuses for occasionally goofing off now and then. Excuses for not paying attention to the money I owe. Just plain excuses.

    Of course, I am prone to self-blame, so none of this makes any sense.

    Thanks for the nudge!

    Rosemary

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