Issue 186 – 10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

By Dr. Margaret Paul

Is your relationship healthy?

Take a few minutes to read through this article and see how your relationship is doing.

“My parents had a very good relationship,” I often hear my clients say.

“What do you mean by good?” I ask.

“They didn’t fight. They spent a lot of time with each other.”

That may have been the definition of a good relationship years ago, but now most people want more. Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship.


Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

Spontaneous Warmth and Affection

Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

Laughter and Fun

Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each others sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

Enjoying Time Together and Time Apart

Are you both each others favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?

Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?

Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

A Method for Conflict Resolution

All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

Keep Reading to learn the other 5 signs of a healthy relationship…

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Letting Go Of Anger

If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection. Practicing the Inner Bonding process is a powerful way of letting go of anger and blame and moving back in kindness.

Trust in Your Love for Each Other

Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

Listening, Understanding, Accepting and Learning

Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?


Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?

Freedom to be Yourself

Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?
While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.


“Kristen, I just re-watched the whole video on Poisoned Perception.
Yes, You are right again! I did using the negative expectations all the time. As I told you recently email that I feel a little bit better and my set point of Energy frequency gotten a little higher now. My perception of the world had changed so much different than I was before.
Wow!! Amazing, isn’t it?!!” – James L.

Quick Tip

All relationships start with YOU! It is easy to get caught up in thoughts like, “If only [name of person] would act more supportive, then our relationship would be healthier.”

In other words, it is easy to get caught up waiting for someone else to change for your relationship to change – and waiting will just give you more waiting.

Here’s a great exercise – write down the primary qualities you are looking for in a relationship (and this could be a romantic relationship, a friend, family, business etc.) now ask yourself honestly, “Am I waiting for someone else to deliver these qualities to me?”

See the key here, is whatever you desire in a relationship, give it – find as many ways as you can to emanate the qualities you are looking for. And don’t just do this with the person you are focused on – start first by giving it to yourself – and then focus on spreading the energy of those qualities everywhere. And this is IMPORTANT – don’t do this in order to get a specific response from a specific person (that is just more waiting) instead do it because in generating the qualities your desire within yourself, you are activating them to show up in the most amazing places in your entire world!

26 Responses to “Issue 186 – 10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship”

  1. Marie Horwat says:

    Great reading, I read this advice years ago in a Dr, Phil book and it changed my whole outlook on a relationship with a partner and with friends. I was then able to enter a relationship knowing what I needed and the confidence to back down from it if my needs could not be met or a compromise could not be accepted. He taught me that desires have been placed within me and if I have surpassed a desire that I could no longer achieve then fulfill the one I could. I had been to India, Sweeden, across Canada, to many other desires. I fulfilled a singing desire and ministry desire. I was stumped, so I thought I would love to go dancing. A simple desire but it was something I could do right at that point. I went dancing with my cousin and ended up meeting the man of my desires. A person that fulfilled all the things I needed on my list and is willing to compromise and work out the kinks of life. Keep up the good work, someone out there really needs you.

  2. Meltonia says:

    So very insightful. Wish I had this information before I ended my last marriage. Thank you. There is much that I must evolve to. I am starting now.

  3. Margaret says:

    Thus us great! Thank you.

  4. Tammy says:

    I was raised to give and nurture the other person and the relationship. I wasn’t taught to give these things you speak about to myself first. I understand the importance of these characteristics and how they benefit couples and help them create healthy relationships.

  5. Amy says:

    It’s so great to read something that exactly nails it. I’ve had such a hard time putting this into words when I try to describe what I’m looking for and what I’m not willing to settle without.

    Thank you for this great article.

  6. marge larson says:

    Excellent information and always good to be reminded of. It always begins with me is so important to remember.

  7. William Wayehi says:

    It a great article.l love it.thanks so much.

  8. Jane says:

    Thought these were very real and sage points in making and keeping a relationship healthy, loving and continually growing and changing In order to flourish and survive.

  9. Frances says:

    Great, helpful article from Margaret. I would add that sex is not a substitute for communication, but a deepening of it – if the sexual relationship doesn’t feel right, then perhaps you need to take a break from it and work on the other parts of your communication, reconnecting with your partner through practising kindness, affection, moving on from hurt and anger, having fun, and all the other things suggested in the article. Thank you for passing this on, Kristen.

  10. Ana says:

    The information is priceless!
    You have to love yourself in order to truly love your partner.
    Treat others as you would want them to treat you.
    After two failed marriages, I’ve finally got it!!!!

    Great read, recommended for all in a relationship.

  11. Lisa says:

    Kristen, thank-you for sharing the ‘Golden Principles” of loving expression – A very real Gift in the time of need. Quote from Rumi: “When light is in your heart, You will find your way Home”.

  12. Patrick Meagher says:

    Hi Kristen,
    Your messages indicate that you are a highly evolved person and are coming from a place of deep love. Thank you for touching my life.
    With gratitude,
    Patrick Meagher

  13. Patricia says:

    Coming out of a 35 year bad relationship, I find this information enlightening. Knowledge is power.

  14. D.C. Abernathy says:

    Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with your list. Having the consciousness to listen to others is key to having a successful relationship, as well as the other nine. However, I of think, what is that prevents us from achieving even five of the ten?Some times I think it’s economics and the pathology in of consumerism. Other times I think it’s our poor educational system, or our poor health, or should we dare say organized religion. What is it that prevents us from being able to give a love like this, or worse, feeling worthy of receiving a love like this?

    • Kristen says:

      Hi D.C. – what gets in the way is when we think that anything outside of us controls the amount of love we give or receive. Love is our natural state of being and is here for us to give and receive freely and fully always (despite the opposite appearance).

  15. nthatisi says:

    great stuff….this is an excellent food for thought

  16. Lynn says:

    Thank you for this article. I agree with what it says, especially about not giving up yourself so your partner, spouse or children love you. Love is unconditional and comes from a place of joy.

    How do you motivate someone you love to be open to reading something that makes so much sense or shift their thinking and perspective so they can move on to a healthy relationship?

    • Kristen says:

      You are very welcome Lynn! As far as motivating someone else to read something – asking them to read it is easy – however if you want them to read it so they shift their thinking – that is the tough part. It isn’t for you to shift their thinking (I know that is hard to hear sometimes) – especially when it comes to relationships – I suggest embracing how you are hoping someone else will think and act with yourself first – treat yourself as you want others to treat you and a shift will begin.

      I appreciate you!

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