What do you bring to the party?

Okay…I’ve recieved more than a handful of emails in just the last day asking me things like

  • “How do I get people to give me the break I need?”
  • “How do I get people to put my products in front of their list?”
  • “How do I get people to introduce me to someone that can really help me?”
  • “How do I get people to really appreciate me?”

and so on…

I get it…I used to wonder those same things…

BUT I had it all wrong…look at the questions I listed above…

What is the one part that repeats in every question?

“How do I get people to…”

I’ll tell you now…you need to stop looking for how you can get them all to make your life better and more successful and instead ask yourself this question —

“What do I bring to the party?”

And here’s the deal with this…

I didn’t say to ask yourself  what you bring to the table…


What you bring to the table is all of your natural gifts and abilities…

What you bring to the party is who you are, what you give, how you act, the energy you give off…

Let me explain further…

I know a TON of people that bring a lot to the table…

I mean they are talented and bright and have potential that you wouldn’t believe…


They don’t bring anything to the party…

In fact half the time they don’t even show up to the party, and when they do, they are so busy sitting there wondering why no one sees everything that they bring to the table, that they come off as angry, withdrawn, insecure or boring — they actually betray what they bring to the table by bringing nothing to the party…

So, ask yourself, what do I bring to the party?

Leave me a comment and let me know!

Go Big!


P.S. You can still vote for Oprah to pick up my show (and you can vote as much as you want until midnight of July 3rd) – here’s the link, I appreciate all of the support!


40 Responses to “What do you bring to the party?”

  1. Melody says:

    I bring my willingness to listen and to ask what ‘they’ want.

    I ask them to explain to me their worries, concerns and problems and when I have received the answers to these questions in detail and I have made mental notes of them, I ask them for a contact phone number or email address – saying to them that I think I might have the address of someone who might be able to help but I don’t have the details on me but I’d be happy to give them the information in the next day or so,
    Then I thank them for talking with me and give them my business card asking them to get in touch if they haven’t heard from me within the time I’ve specified as I sometimes have a terrible memory and it needs to be jogged!

    And then I pass on the information I have promised.

    Usually I have a little blurb about what my next offer is and ask them to pass it on to anyone who they think might be interested. 9/10 I get asked for some more information or I am booked for an appointment!

    BUT there is something that needs to be said here 1) your offer of help must be genuine and followed through on. 2) if you can’t help straight away, say so and ask if you can keep their details as you meet lots of people and it may be the very next one you meet. Most people will still give you their contact details.

    Notice I have not talked about what I can do. I have left that for another time. I have focused on trying to help them solve their problem, without giving advice or telling them how to do it – both of which do not grow relationships.

    All of these actions come from a space of love – BUT they often bring great results including giving you clients you never expected. Word of mouth is a wonderful thing!!


  2. Mike says:

    Dear Kristen, I understand the basic idea, but as a shy, introverted person with low esteem and fears of rejection and being laughed at, HOW do I bring myself to the party?

    • Kristen says:

      Hi Mike!

      You don’t have to be extroverted to bring yourself to the party…you just need to be true to yourself…are you a positive person? If so, just focus on bringing that energy to everything you do and it will make a difference!

      Go Big!

  3. Marko says:

    Kristen, this is so very true. Thank you for reminding me … 🙂

  4. Wonderful stuff that Iam actually discovering now. What d I bring to the party? Self confidence, my big dream to be a success coach. Excellent people skills and a passion to WIN. Have a great day!!

  5. Ed says:

    What do I bring to the party? I bring me and my love for people, with all my knowledge and experiences to be a testamony and to encourage and help others.

  6. LaDonna Wheeler says:

    Kristen, your message totally resonates with me. It’s too bad not everyone is in vibrational harmony.

  7. Peter Chabanowich says:

    Hello Kristen: You asked us to send you information about our lives and dreams, so I am saying “Yes!” and here we go. Born in ’46, adopted at eight months old. Only child. Wonderful childhood – lived on a farm. Early on I displayed interest in music and drawing/painting. Unfortunately I was unsure, fearful and lazy. Though I worked as a pianist in my teens, it was not until I was 24 that I began studying in earnest under the mentorship of a concert pianist. Luckily, I eventually worked in some wonderful venues. It wasn’t until about six years ago that the work dried up – the entertainment scene has changed. The day jobs I’ve taken on don’t pay well, and the disappointment slowly became a low-key drone. I began studying painting in oils just over two years ago. Because of job demands, my energies have been depleated. I just lost work, so there is that anxiety as well. Recently I connected with an old friend (piano player extraordinaire) who boosted my spirits about music, and I feel I can devote myself to the art again. There it is, a severely edited autobiography. Though my “Yes!” is said, I am at the very beginning of the process of reestablishing my skills.
    Kristen, I am confident that your Show with the Oprah network will happen, blossom and lead you to greatness. Bless you and please keep in touch as you have through emails. Thank you for being there for so many of us! Ciau, Peter

  8. walter daniels says:

    Depending on the need, I can bring a lot. OTOH, ay physical parties that can be another question. I’m allergic to alcohol and some other common condiments. Being in a wheelchair limits what I can bring. Usually, I buy cookies, breads, etc. Anybody can do that.
    When it comes to various skills, I’ve done lots of things. I’ve also learned to make the complex easy to understand.

  9. Taunya says:

    I bring questions about “them” to the party. I try to learn as much about them as I can. What’s their favorite thing to do? What are they passionate about? Where do they love to eat? Who in their family do they spend the most time with? Do they have a favorite sport? You get the point? ~To the universe: I used to be an introvert, but I am not anymore. I am OVER being quiet and poor! ~Taunya

  10. Joe Johnson says:

    Hello Kristen, How Could you know exactly what my problem was and after I fixed it I read your post and the joy I felt inside was that of (I am understanding what is going on with my changes)
    Wah Hooo!!!!!!!

    Joe Johnson

  11. Andrea says:

    That’s well put, a distinction between what do I bring to the table, and what can I bring to the party. I think this is also a good way of asking, how can I add value to others?

  12. sue says:

    I totally agree, it is also about having the confidence in yourself, each time you do it you gain more confidence. Just bite the bullet and do it!!

  13. winnie says:

    Dear Kristen,
    thanks a lot for your ideas, for me i have to say that I always bring a lot to others who ask for my help or even if I notice that someone is in dificulty I always propose my service if not I refer them to someone who could help them. But it’s the contrary which hapens to me, once they have used my amability they may turn from me or if ever they are in no more dificulty they forget me I don’t need to be re-emboursed but only their friendship or their moral support. It’s also happen that when I need some help ther is no body around me, this also happen in my own family. But I thank you for what your doing though I’m lonely ( i.e I’ve only my husband my children are learning far from home they are abroad, in France,it’s rarely that they are in contact with me and I’ve lost father and recently my mother, practically no friends when I’m saying lonely . I’ve colleagues at work and practically rarely that I meet other members of the family…they are not too busy but perhaps jealous of my sucess I don’t know because I’m not an egocentric person I’ll always share what I know to everyone. Thnks for having taken much of your time. Winnie.

  14. Shankar says:

    Hello Kristen,
    I bring myself to the party. “myself” includes my Higher Self(which is said to be pure),love, affection, lots of smile, kindness and readiness to make friends. Most importantly, eagerness to listen and learn from others – because from what I have found, that’s the easiest way to learn and grow.
    Light and Love,
    Shankar, India

  15. Rosemary says:

    Melody has it about right. My field is real estate, and right now people are hurting because of the continuing market downturn. They need practical help and a path through all the conflicting information and come-ons that have left them in a worse position than the original problem that caused them to go into mortgage default in the first place. I offer that help, and pretty much do as Melody suggests: Get their contact information and answer their immediate need. This is especially true for those who are seeking residential rentals. I don’t do that, but I know someone who does, and does it well. She doesn’t reciprocate, but the value to those to whom I refer her is incalculable.

    My office building offers fabulous small offices with lots of services. By helping people solve their space needs, I help them to be successful. But, sometimes, they are not ready to lease, so if I can help them in other ways, perhaps later they will need one of my spaces or programs, or they will think of me when someone they know has that need. What is important is that I put my energy, enthusiasm and knowledge out there. Bottling them up inside myself wastes them.

    You know the old saying: What goes around, comes around. I choose to send positive vibrations out. Maybe that will help lighten the load for other people as well as myself, if only infinitesimally.


  16. jack says:

    Kristen, this is so very true. Thank you for reminding me …

  17. Andrew Joy says:

    My passion, hobby and profession is classical music. A question that popped into my mind whilst I was changing a water filter in an electric kettle, once answered has lead to a party of communicating with brass colleagues around the world. The first steps were scary. Now it is a totally enriching experience being part of a team delivering a paradigm shift in the brass world.
    Your questions are greatly appreciated.

  18. Phil Salt says:

    Thanks for sharing your insight. Wake call. Thank you. Be well

  19. Jan says:

    I totally agree..and realize this is my road block..How is it that some people just know what to say and how to say it so naturally, and then someone like me wants to flow in the conversation but just has a blank slate when it come to what keeps people’s attention.

  20. Rosemary says:

    Another Golden Oldie, Kristen. This time I want to answer more succinctly: I bring my talents and experience to the party. If others can use them and they help them, we both profit. If not, it’s time to cut the strings (like with my partner) and go our merry separate ways.

  21. DougPeterson says:

    I would ask this question instead: “What can I bring to enrich the party?”

  22. Joseann says:

    Hi Kristen,
    interesting post and for a non native speaker the difference is not easy to understand. I guess, the reason why some people never bring anything to the party(like me for example) is that the “you” that you are talking about, or the energy or “who they are”, has never been “invited” to the party, people were only looking for what they had to bring to the table, there is a whole economy out there striving on this, right? And, I also think there is a fare share of environments out there where you better hide the “you”. At least that is my experience. The party starts, when there is a true sense of “being invited” as the “you” that I am. I find this expecially in connection with Law of Attraction stuff difficult as it seems it is more on “networth” then on “who you are”, or: if who you are cannot be translated into net worth, there is no need for “you” to show up for the party. Or not?

  23. Barb says:

    thumbs up here=) This is an important part of life. Be yourself and bring it to the party and share w/others!

    Thanks Kristen,

  24. Donovan says:

    How do you do that without coming across as too cocky or over confident. I have tried to do as you suggest however, more often than not I have been told you are to cocky, you think you think you’re better than everyone else. I was taught to share knowledge however too often I am the one who everyone does not want at the table.

  25. Sharon says:

    WOW! Woke me up! we live in a “whats in it for me world”. we so often get caught up with it. Everyone is interested in solving their own problems-not ours! Question is how do i keep reminding myself day after day – what can i do/give/say/be to make a difference to others?i.e how do i remind myself daily- that its a party out there and id i wanna survive in network marketing i need to bring something!!!??

  26. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by QUANTUM ATTRACTION, Steve L. Vernon. Steve L. Vernon said: Comment on What do you bring to the party? by Sharon: WOW! Woke me up! we live in a "whats in it for me world". … http://bit.ly/ccAhIX […]

  27. Mark says:

    I have to say I have brought a lot of blood sweat and sleepless nights, trying to figure it out! I have done some of it right and some of it wrong! I have tried to do it onmy own with a little help from my family. It has been a rough road and things have not always gone my way! So now I am stuck figureing out what is next. I have tried the internet thing and it has cost me dearly and I just have to do the best I can and move on. I have listened to what you have had to say and haven’t always followed your suggestions, mostly do to finances. I will continue to follow you!

  28. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by QUANTUM ATTRACTION, Steve L. Vernon. Steve L. Vernon said: Comment on What do you bring to the party? by Mark: Kristen, I have to say I have brought a lot of blood sweat a… http://bit.ly/a4VLlb […]

  29. I have a three word name for you, then a quote Kristen: George Bernard Shaw. “I make my own circumstances.”


  30. jennifer says:

    that has got to be one of the most insightful articles i have ever read!!! can’t say more than that!!

  31. Caroline Daria says:

    Hi Kristen
    Thank you for all your comments, advices… Am traying to make use of some of them but I don’t think I am very successfull…
    I am following all your mails you send, anyway.
    Thank you again

    Caroline Daria

  32. Lynn says:

    Kristen: What if you are a person who brings ALOT to the party, but the people at the party don’t want what you bring? I am a natural coach, and am always in the mode of bringing value to others. Helping others to see that they can do anything they decide to do. What I have experienced is a ‘pulling away from” because most people do not want to be the creators in their lives. They just want to talk/complain about how life is happening to them and how they are victims. When do you stop “bringing to the party” when it’s very clear that those at the party do not want what you are bringing? I have a very isolated life since becoming a coach. Most friends and family have the idea.. who do I think I am? Trust me, I do not portray that I have any answers. I just have a desire to make the world a better place!

  33. Marion says:

    Hi Kristen,
    Love this post. Clear distinction between table and party.
    What I bring to the “party” is a listening ear with the intention to be of help, encoragement and service to someone there. In the coaching course I just finished there was a question that I have adopted and made my own.”What missing piece of their puzzle shows up when I show up?” That missing piece can be as simple as connecting them to someone I know who has what they need. Or it can be a bigger piece of their puzzle that I fill. Whenever I leave the party or event I feel confident that what happened or didn’t happen was the perfect fit. What I have to offer isn’t going to be every persons missing puzzle piece and that’s O.K. I love coaching and helping people to grow and connect with themselves. As I grow in this business I will be able to offer more missing puzzle pieces for more people. Until then I am grateful for each and every person that I can support, encourage, challenge or connect with right now.

  34. Rosemary says:

    I have been wallowing in misery and guilt for a month now. Thanks for the reminder that I have a party to attend.

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