Would you let someone talk to you like this?

I am amazed at how often we will beat ourselves up and say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t let anyone else say to us…

If someone walked up to you right now and told you how stupid you were and how you were screwing up your whole life, would you let them talk to you like that?

NO — you would defend yourself, you would walk away, you would get angry — or a million other responses, but chances are good that you wouldn’t just sit there and take it…

So, why is it ok for you to talk to yourself that way?

This is so important…

I’m all for wanting more and wanting to get out of procrastination and all of the things that hold you back, but telling yourself you are stupid or weak or a failure isn’t going to help!

  • Be careful with yourself…
  • Be mindful of the things you say to yourself…
  • Start to really pay attention to the snap judgements you make and how often you apologize or feel wrong or stupid —

You are extraordinary — that’s the truth!  And if you aren’t quite ready to tell yourself that, I’ll yell it from the rooftops until you are ready!

  • Support yourself…
  • Encourage yourself…
  • Be kind to yourself…

You will have more successes if you do…

Leave me a comment — let me know how you can be better to yourself!

Go Big!


33 Responses to “Would you let someone talk to you like this?”

  1. jennifer says:

    I am now aware and therefore I am just beginning to follow what I have read from your newsletters. Sometimes I am not surprised that I am getting really good results. It takes a lot of getting used to.

  2. This is so true and succinctly put

  3. Marlene says:

    Owning a marina and restaurant is not my forte. The employees are my biggest obstacle.

  4. Bob Rengchol says:

    I like to the way you coach persons who actually do not really know to get out of those negative thinking feeling about themselves but I want to learn from you when I have time and I know it’s not wise to think that way.

  5. Hilary Mackelden says:

    This is just what I need to hear. Thank you.

  6. Bob Rengchol says:

    No, I won’t allow anyone saying that to me without taking action to it.

  7. Hani says:

    Hi Kristen,

    Thank you for a great article. True, we don’t take care of ourselves as we ought to. I find we, or at least me, are our worst critics. We say to others, “It’s all right…” yet if we did the same thing, we would be harsh on ourselves.

    We should be, as you said, kind to ourselves.

    Thanks, again.

  8. Omer Khalid says:

    Dear Kristen

    I have broken so many promises which I have made over the past years with myself to achieve improvement in my life that I can’t even count them. Just how can I keep telling myself that I am great?? I don’t break my bad habbits sticking with them for ages then how do I encourage myself. I can’t really figure how to not keep on beating myself for wasting so many precious years of my life:(

  9. Lee Jeyne says:

    Kristen ! You are truly a guru ,
    Thank you so much for your teaching , you lift me up !
    GOD bless you !
    with love and happiness
    From : Lee Jeyne ( Korea )

  10. Joe says:

    You hit the nail on its head. This is so true, it is unbelievable!

  11. Sile says:

    Hi Kristin,

    This post is great and very true.,.. once I let go of any self doubt I had and started becoming more playful, that’s when my blog was born and more opportunities came my way!

    Still, it’s always great to read a reminder and bring it up a notch and create or start turning up the volume of a internal positive coaching chorus!

  12. Rosemary says:

    I stopped beating myself up only recently, after a lifetime of thinking that was the virtuous thing to do. The situation in which I find myself is uncomfortable, but if it is truly only in my Mind, then I can find the way to make that situation better.

    Now, if only I could make my creditors feel that way (lol).


  13. Julie says:

    Thank you for the reminder!

  14. Migen L. Osorio says:

    Dear Kristen,
    I know about self-talk. The kind of self-talk you give yourself can pull you up or put you down. As a psychologist I know that how you view or see yourself or the attitude you have regarding your whole being can have a great bearing on your having a bearable life or a life tremendously filled with joy, well-being and, yes, success. But even if I know or am aware of all of these, your words still have a big impact on me and nudge me to be sure to be kinder to myself and not berate myself for mistakes committed but see them as learning experiences so I can be a better person, if not be the best of what I can be.
    Slowly, the idea of thinking BIG is sinking in. With your words I am emboldened to GO BIG!
    Thank you for your continuous stream of words. They, to say the least, buoy me up.
    Thank you again and again thank you.
    Very truly yours,

    (Miss) MIGEN L. OSORIO

  15. Mark says:

    I can’t tell you how much I am uplifted by your daily encouragement….I wish I had you here to motivate the people in my office…who knows where we could take this company…Thanks again!

  16. Ofelia says:


    Thank you so much. Thats really what I’m doing to myself. To honor myself from time to time and it helps improve my self confidence. It really works.

  17. Kevin says:

    To those that might feel that saying these type of encouraging statements to yourself feels kind of false or self serving somehow…I would say that you probably (like the vast majority of people) didn’t have parents who were big on praise. They may or may not have spouted negative phrases, but either way, they just were not big on letting you know that you were special. Most parents, if asked, would respond that their children are
    special; but never thought that they should go out of their way in particular to let them know it. If your parents were that way, then you are re-programming yourself by telling yourself these positive statements. If you need a reason to continue telling yourself these things, consider yourself to be the first person in your family (extended or not) to realize how important this idea of positive reinforcement is, and that you are starting a practice (or positive habit) that will be continued with your children and future generations. What an absolutely positive way to contribute to your family legacy, and the world in general. Now if we could all understand and start practicing this kind of behavior with everyone on a constant basis.

  18. Leila says:

    This is a great thing to do. I found that in some areas I was nice to myself and in others I wasn’t. I’m working on it 🙂 Thanks.

  19. Kevin Sloan says:

    You are absolutely correct ! I know that I have this nasty habit of beating myself up . I am in the process of paying attention to my self talk and catching myself , EVERYTIME NOW ! THANKS , for the article , Regards

  20. Hey Kristen… as little as a few months ago, I used to do that! I no longer do, and, understand why I no longer do… When talking like that, the thought hadn’t occurred to me that I was addressing my inner self as well… needless to say, we must be careful how we do that, and it MUST be done constructively, not destructively!

  21. I am #1 in MY life, so, my words of love, encouragement and support are more important than anyone’s! We all make mistakes, so, let us forgive ourselves, or even laugh at ourselves when its laughable… it will be much easier to look in the mirror, a place where everyone should spend a lot more time than they do!

  22. Suleiman Maharaz says:

    You seem to truly live to your passion – helping people to truly become big – I have high regard for you – Kristen!

  23. Adam says:

    thanks Kristen:)

  24. Uparima says:

    We should always look after our needs.
    loving oneself is the greatest love of all ( as the song goes..)

  25. Riel says:

    Hey Kirsten,
    Thanks it is really good. Someone sais”If we talk to others as we talk to ourselves – we will have few friends!” Be your own best friend

  26. Mary Elliot says:

    How true this is, Kristen. All my life I’ve been my own worst critic – it’s only in the last year or two that, thanks to websites like yours, I’ve started to answer myself back and say ‘no, I’m not!’…and believe it!


  27. Babalwa says:

    Thanx Kristen. I’ve learnt that I should not say negative thing about myself nor criticize myself, there are enogh people doing that.Slowly but surely, I’m being my own best friend, supporting and encouraging myself, and the results are amazing. My life is improving daily

  28. Vinod says:

    Hi Kristen,
    thanks for helping me and people all over the world.Your message lifts up the spirits.I pray you keep on doing same n better in years to come.
    God bless you,

  29. Dear Kriten,
    Thank you very much for your promptings which are true and we needed them. Shall be more kinder to Self!!
    Warm regards-Brig.Sewak S Sidhu

  30. George says:

    Hello Kristen,

    I heard that it is human nature to be negative. A survival trait from cavemen time to today. I guess a simple example would be eating a poisonous berry. Should I eat this strange looking berry and you can imagine if you did what would of happened. Also another primative human behavior is to attack or be killed. Today we don’t need alot of these negative behaviors which hamper more then help in the modern age. Should I apply for the job or am I just wasting time. I applied too many jobs and nothing changed. You see another negative thought. To get to the point I definately believe we have to be positive and appreciate ourselves daily. Just reading your post made me feel better.

    Thanks Kristen,


  31. Grace says:

    it’s all about living “That Certain Way”

  32. Kristen says:

    Hi Hulbert!

    Please email kristen@gobigcoach.com with your request!

    Go Big!
    Kristen’s Assistant

  33. Ruth says:

    I am just SOOOOOOOO grateful that my journey has led me to this site…… THANK YOU UNIVERSE! You are not just pretty – your thoughts and ideas are highly insightful. ?

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