Fear and patterns…

I have some important questions for you…(and you know I love using the power of questions!)

• What are you scared of?
• When you feel fear what is it about?
• What doubt grips at you and won’t let go?

Here’s the deal…

We all have fear and doubt, but I have a secret for you…

Normally WHAT we fear and doubt is a recurring pattern in our lives…

And this is what I mean…

Your fears and doubts may seem to be about different things, BUT when you really break them down, they are all the same 1-3 fears AND these fears have been the same for as long as you have had fear.

WHAT?

Do this exercise and you’ll understand…

• Write down your top 3 current fears RIGHT NOW.
• Now, look at those fears and ask yourself this –

“I know it seems like I am scared that (whatever it is you are scared of), but what I’m really scared of is that (whatever you are scared of) will mean that I  __________________ .”

Here’s a good example, let’s say you are scared you are going to have to declare bankruptcy, this is what your answers would look like…

“I know it seems like I am scared that (I will have to declare bankruptcy) but what I’m really scared of is that doing so will mean that I am a failure.”

So, what you are really scared of is being a failure…

• Now, I want you to take it a step further and ask yourself why?

For example: “I am scared of being a failure because then people won’t love me and I’ll be disappointed in myself (in other words you won’t love yourself).”

In other words, what you are really scared of, is NOT being loved (by yourself and others)…

NOW…

Here’s the important part…

• Look back at different times in your life when you have been scared and do the same exercise –

Chances are good that your whole life, you have been dealing with the same 3-5 patterns of fear.

The great part about this is that you only have to address those issues — the real fears to rise above them –

Hear me now –

It isn’t about the specific thing you think you are scared of now, it is about 1 of your base recurring fears — and once you identify that, you can move on!

Leave me a comment and let me know what your REAL fears are…

Go Big!

Kristen

How do you choose?

I want to challenge you to be really self aware today…

Every time you have to make a decision today, I want you to stop and ask yourself 2 questions first…

Here they are…

1. “If I made this decision out of fear or a feeling of lack what would I choose to do?”
2. “If I made this decision out of confidence or a feeling of abundance what would I choose to do?”

So often we choose out of fear and a feeling of lack, and I promise you that when you choose from that place, you are heading down the wrong path…

Now, let me be clear…

I know there are times where all we see is lack and all we feel is fear, and I’m challenging you to just look at what other options you have when you make decisions.

The state you are in when you make decisions GREATLY influences the outcome and path you travel down…

Most of you will be shocked at how often you are choosing out of fear and lack…

It’s time to look for a different motivation and here’s the great news…

Your circumstances can be exactly how they are right now and you can choose out of confidence and abundance –

Leave me a comment and let me know how you think you normally choose…

You are extraordinary!

Go Big!

Kristen

The “Yeah Buts”…

Does this sound familiar?

You get an idea about something you want to do…

Whether it’s a way to make money or a great adventure you want to take or a dream you want to realize…

And in the first few seconds after you get the idea you get really excited…

It feels so real…

And then the voice in your head starts talking to you…

• “Yeah but you’re not smart enough”
• “Yeah but you don’t have enough time”
• “Yeah but you’re too old”
• “Yeah but you don’t know enough”

And on and on and on…

And then you start to doubt yourself and discount your idea…

I’ll ask you again…does that sound familiar?

Here’s the deal with the “Yeah Buts”…

I guarantee you that if you told someone else that same idea and they started in with all those “Yeah buts” you would have something to say about it…

So this is what I want you to do from now on…

Any of the ideas you have, write down the “Yeah Buts” that you have about them and then for each of them, give an answer of a solution –

Here’s an example from a coaching session I had recently –

My client has a business and she had an idea for how to get a bunch of sales from a group and one of her biggest “Yeah Buts” is that she is terrible with budgeting and tracking money — this was getting into her head so much that she was starting to get scared of making sales for fear of how she would blow it once money was coming in.

So I took her through the following exercise –

I had her tell me about her great marketing idea as if I was her best and most trusted friend — As her friend I then voiced her “Yeah But” and I told her she had to come up with a solution as she would if she was talking to someone else…this is how the conversation went:

CLIENT: “I’m taking my product to corporations to give to their employees — the best part is that I already have 3 corporations that are very interested and it looks like this will explode my business!”

ME: “Yeah but you’re terrible with money! If your business explodes you’re going to screw everything up and get in trouble with the IRS…”

CLIENT: “I thought of that to, so that’s why I’ve decided I’m going to get an accountant right away!

That was it, 3 lines of a conversation and she had decided on the exact solution to her “Yeah But” and she got the “Yeah But” to shut up.

That’s what I want you to do with all of your “Yeah Buts” –

Write them out in conversation form and look at the solutions you come up with –

And here’s a key –

Sometimes it takes longer to get to the resolve — what I mean is if your first answer to the “Yeah But” opens itself up to another “Yeah But” you need to keep going. Stick with it and you will resolve!

You are extraordinary!

Go Big!

Kristen

Only 5% do it…

Oh boy, I’m going to push some buttons with this one…

As a website owner and coach etc.  I am required to tell people about average results…instead of the great, life changing results, that some of my clients experience…

So I want to talk about average results for a second…

Here’s the truth…

(For this post, I am only talking about programs and people that deliver on quality — let’s take the con artists out of this particular conversation)…

So, back to the truth…

The average results for any system or program or book or coaching is…

Failure…

and if it isn’t failure, it is mediocre results that probably would have been achieved without the purchase of the program or coaching or book etc.

AM I CRAZY??

You are probably wondering why, as someone who has products and coaching for sale, I would dare say this…

I’ll tell you why…

It’s true…

And it has NOTHING to do with the program, coaching or product (again, assuming a high level of quality)…

Here’s why the Average Results are so poor…

ONLY 5% of people that buy products, coaching, books and more ACTUALLY FOLLOW THROUGH!

And when I say follow through…

• I don’t mean start the program and do the parts that seem easy…
• I don’t mean read the book but don’t put anything into action…
• I don’t mean have your coaching sessions and just talk about things and then only take some action between sessions…

Just so you know…I was in the 95% for years…so I’m not pointing fingers AND you CAN CHANGE!!

I mean REALLY follow through…

• I mean go through the tough times and the frustration and the growing pains and the fear of change and the pain of being called on your resistance…
• I mean not jumping ship the second things get hard and going to the next program that you think might just make everything better…

To be honest…

I am tired or average results…and I know you are too!

• I’m excited about the 5% that do follow through…
• I’m excited about the 5% that puts their head down and knows it is going to be tough at times and that they are going to want to quit but they are so sick and tired or having Average Results that they do it anyway!

Let’s assume we are only talking about great programs and coaches and books etc.

It doesn’t matter if you work with me or with someone else of high quality…

Here is what matters…

Are you in the 5%?

Honestly…

Are you?

Now here’s the tough question…

Why?

Why do you refuse to stay in the 95% a moment longer?

If you are here, I know you are close…but only you can decide!

Are you ready to be in the 5% now?

Whether it’s now or later, whenever you hit the point that you are ready…

I am here for you…

To help you be EXTRAORDINARY!

Trust me, you are more than you could ever dream of…

Go Big!

Kristen

Opportunity and fear…

Time to Go Big…

Fear was on my mind on my walk today, I was thinking about a coaching client of mine.

She is faced with an opportunity right now and when it was brought to her she was immediately hit with fear.

On our call today, she told me all of the wild thoughts that threw themselves at her at warp speed when she first got the call with this opportunity.

Before I share her thoughts with you (and yes, she gave me approval to do so) I feel it’s important to know that there is NO MONEY at stake, there are NO CONTRACTS being signed, DEATH could not be a result, hell INJURY isn’t even a possibility.

Back to her attacking thoughts…these are the primary thoughts that hurled themselves at her…

• ‘What if it only seems like an opportunity but it’s not?’
• ‘What if it’s too much work and doesn’t fit into my life how I want it to?”
• “What if I hate it?”
• “What if it fails?”
• “What if I waste my time?’

…You get the idea.

Fear is such a huge factor in our lives…it becomes a great reason NOT to do things, get involved, connect, try…live.

The funny thing to me is how we phrase our fears…here are some examples of what we tell ourselves…

• ‘I’m scared to fly’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared to die)
• ‘I’m scared to love’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared that you won’t be loved back)
• ‘I’m scared to try a new sport, language, hobby, business.’
  (No you’re not your scared you’ll look stupid)
• ‘I’m scared to start my own business.’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared you’ll fail)
• ‘I’m scared to reach out to that casting director’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared they’ll tell you you’re not talented)
• ‘I’m scared to tell them how much I love them’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared they won’t care)
• ‘I’m scared to commit to __________.’
  (No you’re not, you’re scared if you commit you lose the power to choose)

And the list goes on…

We attach fear to the wrong thing…we attach it to the action when really what we are scared of is some potential negative feeling/emotion/result.

If we took EVERYTHING that anyone claims they are scared of I guarantee it boils down to a few basic fears:

• Fear of death or injury (to you or someone you love).
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of looking stupid
• Fear of failure

Boiled down even further…what we are scared of in one word is PAIN.

And the thing about people is, for the most part, we will most likely take action to avoid PAIN than we will to achieve pleasure.

BUT BUT BUT

Isn’t living life in a LESS THAN way PAINFUL?

It is for me…it sucks…I hate it…I wish I got zapped with electricity every time I chose the pain of safety over the possibility of pain with something new or out of the box that could bring me great joy.

That’s what I mean by ‘Go Big’…to me ‘Going Big’ means choosing to go toward what has a chance to bring me great joy even though it may not…because if I don’t ‘Go Big’ I am guaranteed 1 thing and 1 thing only, and that is the pain of living a life that is ‘less than’.

So my questions for you today are:

What does ‘Go Big’ mean to you?

Remember the Go Big End of Year Challenge: In what small way (maybe in less than 15 minutes) can you push your comfort zone and choose to ‘Go Big’ today?

Go Big!

Kristen

P.S. My Go Big VIP Program is filling up and I am doing something special.  The next 50 people that join and commit to ‘Go Big Now’ and not wait until after the holidays will get a special 1-on-1 strategy session with me in January to give you that extra advantage you need to make 2010 the best it can be. Get on board as one of the next 50 here: http://www.gobigcoach.com/gobignow