Fear and patterns…

I have some important questions for you…(and you know I love using the power of questions!)

• What are you scared of?
• When you feel fear what is it about?
• What doubt grips at you and won’t let go?

Here’s the deal…

We all have fear and doubt, but I have a secret for you…

Normally WHAT we fear and doubt is a recurring pattern in our lives…

And this is what I mean…

Your fears and doubts may seem to be about different things, BUT when you really break them down, they are all the same 1-3 fears AND these fears have been the same for as long as you have had fear.

WHAT?

Do this exercise and you’ll understand…

• Write down your top 3 current fears RIGHT NOW.
• Now, look at those fears and ask yourself this –

“I know it seems like I am scared that (whatever it is you are scared of), but what I’m really scared of is that (whatever you are scared of) will mean that I  __________________ .”

Here’s a good example, let’s say you are scared you are going to have to declare bankruptcy, this is what your answers would look like…

“I know it seems like I am scared that (I will have to declare bankruptcy) but what I’m really scared of is that doing so will mean that I am a failure.”

So, what you are really scared of is being a failure…

• Now, I want you to take it a step further and ask yourself why?

For example: “I am scared of being a failure because then people won’t love me and I’ll be disappointed in myself (in other words you won’t love yourself).”

In other words, what you are really scared of, is NOT being loved (by yourself and others)…

NOW…

Here’s the important part…

• Look back at different times in your life when you have been scared and do the same exercise –

Chances are good that your whole life, you have been dealing with the same 3-5 patterns of fear.

The great part about this is that you only have to address those issues — the real fears to rise above them –

Hear me now –

It isn’t about the specific thing you think you are scared of now, it is about 1 of your base recurring fears — and once you identify that, you can move on!

Leave me a comment and let me know what your REAL fears are…

Go Big!

Kristen

Opportunity and fear…

Time to Go Big…

Fear was on my mind on my walk today, I was thinking about a coaching client of mine.

She is faced with an opportunity right now and when it was brought to her she was immediately hit with fear.

On our call today, she told me all of the wild thoughts that threw themselves at her at warp speed when she first got the call with this opportunity.

Before I share her thoughts with you (and yes, she gave me approval to do so) I feel it’s important to know that there is NO MONEY at stake, there are NO CONTRACTS being signed, DEATH could not be a result, hell INJURY isn’t even a possibility.

Back to her attacking thoughts…these are the primary thoughts that hurled themselves at her…

• ‘What if it only seems like an opportunity but it’s not?’
• ‘What if it’s too much work and doesn’t fit into my life how I want it to?”
• “What if I hate it?”
• “What if it fails?”
• “What if I waste my time?’

…You get the idea.

Fear is such a huge factor in our lives…it becomes a great reason NOT to do things, get involved, connect, try…live.

The funny thing to me is how we phrase our fears…here are some examples of what we tell ourselves…

• ‘I’m scared to fly’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared to die)
• ‘I’m scared to love’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared that you won’t be loved back)
• ‘I’m scared to try a new sport, language, hobby, business.’
  (No you’re not your scared you’ll look stupid)
• ‘I’m scared to start my own business.’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared you’ll fail)
• ‘I’m scared to reach out to that casting director’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared they’ll tell you you’re not talented)
• ‘I’m scared to tell them how much I love them’
  (No you’re not…you’re scared they won’t care)
• ‘I’m scared to commit to __________.’
  (No you’re not, you’re scared if you commit you lose the power to choose)

And the list goes on…

We attach fear to the wrong thing…we attach it to the action when really what we are scared of is some potential negative feeling/emotion/result.

If we took EVERYTHING that anyone claims they are scared of I guarantee it boils down to a few basic fears:

• Fear of death or injury (to you or someone you love).
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of looking stupid
• Fear of failure

Boiled down even further…what we are scared of in one word is PAIN.

And the thing about people is, for the most part, we will most likely take action to avoid PAIN than we will to achieve pleasure.

BUT BUT BUT

Isn’t living life in a LESS THAN way PAINFUL?

It is for me…it sucks…I hate it…I wish I got zapped with electricity every time I chose the pain of safety over the possibility of pain with something new or out of the box that could bring me great joy.

That’s what I mean by ‘Go Big’…to me ‘Going Big’ means choosing to go toward what has a chance to bring me great joy even though it may not…because if I don’t ‘Go Big’ I am guaranteed 1 thing and 1 thing only, and that is the pain of living a life that is ‘less than’.

So my questions for you today are:

What does ‘Go Big’ mean to you?

Remember the Go Big End of Year Challenge: In what small way (maybe in less than 15 minutes) can you push your comfort zone and choose to ‘Go Big’ today?

Go Big!

Kristen

P.S. My Go Big VIP Program is filling up and I am doing something special.  The next 50 people that join and commit to ‘Go Big Now’ and not wait until after the holidays will get a special 1-on-1 strategy session with me in January to give you that extra advantage you need to make 2010 the best it can be. Get on board as one of the next 50 here: http://www.gobigcoach.com/gobignow

Success in 15 minutes a day — will you commit to yourself?

Experiment time!

There are 39 days left in 2009…

I thought an experiment to see how far you can move forward while still enjoying the holiday season was appropriate!

First let me ask you this question…

If I told you that you could significantly move your life forward between now and January 1, 2010 and it would only take 15 minutes a day…

Would you commit to dedicating 15 minutes a day EVERY DAY for the next 39 days?

I’m going to assume you answered ‘Yes’!

So this is what we are going to do…

Starting today and going through Dec. 31, 2009 I want you to do 1 thing each day to move yourself forward…

Here are the rules:

• You MUST do 1 thing each day
• The ‘Thing’ you do MUST take 15 minutes or less to do…
• The ‘Thing’ you do MUST push your comfort zone
• The ‘Thing’ you do MUST make you feel like you have somehow moved yourself forward toward one of your goals

Got it?

It is up to you if you are going to focus on one area of your life to move forward for the next 39 days or if you are going to focus in several directions…

Either way, you WILL see a huge difference IF you absolutely commit to do this AND you follow through.

To help you out, I want you to leave a comment now stating that you are taking part in the challenge and what your focus is.  I also want you to tell me what it is you will do today.

This is another case of you are either in or you aren’t…

I know it’s tough love…but if you are just going to try to commit 15 minutes a day, you aren’t going to get where you want to go…

15 minutes…to move toward the life of your dreams…

• I KNOW you can do this…
• Commit to it now…
• Leave a comment…
• Tell me you’re in…
• Tell me your focus…
• Tell me what you will do today!

Have fun with this!!

YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY!

Go Big!

Kristen

P.S. Accountability is the key to success…get into my group program and I’ll hold you accountable and get on the phone with you every month to make sure you are on the right path.  Let’s shift your success from a maybe to a definite!  The monthly call is coming up so get in now…

http://www.gobigcoach.com/gobignow

If you become frightened…

I was watching the most recent episode of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and the conversation that happened in one scene made me leap from my chair to write down this quote so I would remember to post about it.

Here’s the quote:

“If you become frightened, instead become inspired…there’s always a way.”

WOW!

Seriously, knocked my socks off!

Think about this…

Normally we become scared when we feel we may be trapped or or unable to succeed…

This is with everything:

• Money
• Relationships
• Business
• Creativity
• Dreams
• Goals
• Health
• Weight Loss

etc. etc. etc.

We’ve all heard it a million times, where there is faith there is no room for doubt and where there is doubt, there is no room for faith.

Faith and doubt CANNOT exist at the same time in the same space about the same thing…

Doubt stops us in our tracks…

• Fear makes even the strongest souls question if they can move forward…
• Faith moves our feet forward 1 step at a time…
• Inspiration gives us a glimpse of the path…

You will feel fear!

You will feel doubt!

You will want to turn back!

You will think you can’t go any further!

You will think there is no possible solution!

I know you will do all of these things because you are human…

I’m not asking you to get rid of your fears…

I am telling you that in the face of fear and doubt you can rise above them for a moment to stop and say this to yourself…

“There is always a way, even when I don’t believe there is — I now choose to be inspired to discover that way and follow that inspiration.”

You don’t need to know the answer…

You just need to know there IS an answer…

There is ALWAYS an answer!

So I say this to you my friend…

In this tumultuous time when it is far easier to believe there isn’t a way…

“If you become frightened, instead become inspired…there is ALWAYS a way.”

Leave me a comment and let me know if you are ready to choose to be inspired in the face of fear!

Do it now…

You are extraordinary!!

Go Big!

Kristen

Are You Ready to Follow Your Instincts?

Have you ever had a situation or relationship or opportunity that looked like the thing…smelled like the thing…walked like it…talked like it…everything about it literally reeked of being the THING…

BUT

In the pit of your stomach you knew it wasn’t?

And you have absolutely no rational justification to walk away from whatever (or whomever) it is.

And you are left with a feeling of ‘eating away at you dread’ if you walk toward whatever (or whomever) it is.

This happens with everything from money making opportunities, relationships, career moves etc.

When this happens your mind starts loudly arguing equally for 2 points…one side of your brain shouts, ‘WALK AWAY…you know it’s not the THING and if you go toward it you’ll end up finding out at some
point and you’ll have to run screaming into the hills…leaving only a dust cloud behind. Why waste your time?’

You are tempted by this side…because it has a point and knows you well.

BUT

The other side of you head whispers 4 words over and over and over and over and over…

‘What if you’re wrong? What if you’re wrong? What if you’re wrong? What if you’re wrong? What if you’re wrong?’

You are equally as tempted by this argument because if you are human one of your deepest fears is that you’ll miss something.

So what do you do?

Well, in my life, there have been times where I have gone with both arguments…

BUT

When I think back to those times when that pit has been in my stomach…

The final outcome has always been that my instinct was right…

So, the question I have for you is…

When you think back…has your gut or your head ultimately been right?

How can you use that to listen to your instincts and take inspired action in your life now?

Leave me a comment and let me know your story!

Go Big!

Kristen